Cullens Behaving Badly
by bizzabel
Summary: A week of chaos when poor little human Bella acidentaly persuades Esme and Carlilse to go away for some R&R. All hell brakes loose; banned games, dares, forbidden kisses, lots of laughs, secrets, 'quality bonding' and worse... story beats summary! xo
1. A break

A little story about mayhem when the Cullen kids are left on their own for a week.

The Cullen are Stephenie Meyer and we are eternally grateful

This is set around the time of Eclipse so all normal couples apply – thanks :D

**Chapter 1 – A break**

Esme's POV

I tried to concentrate on my latest renovation drawing really hard, I honestly did, but all I could hear was the kids fighting downstairs._ Count to ten Esme _I told myself calmly. But it didn't last, before I heard my pencil drop onto the desk I was standing in the centre of the living room with Emmett's ear in my hand.

"Ow, stop it Mom!"

"Not till you say sorry to Alice, Emmett," I instructed calmly, "And Rosalie I want you to go get Bella some new sandwiches, I'm disappointed in you, spitting is unladylike. Edward please don't cheat on your brother. Jasper was good to agree, last time you played chess you didn't give him one minuet peace inside his own mind."

They all chorused sorry. Not surprisingly Bella was loudest, although as usual she had absolutely nothing to apologize for. I looked around at their faces, they all seemed to mean it... although Emmett was still smirking at Alice; he caught me looking and his eyes shot straight down to his feet with the rest.

"You really all need to learn to behave yourselves. I don't know what to do with you – 56 times to high school and you still behave like kindergarten!"

Jasper was first to respond this time, sending a wave of smugness over them all, "And that's just Edward!" Soon the room was in a situation much like it was when I entered. Edward was on Jasper and it seemed Emmett had joined the fight so he wasn't left out. Bella had perched nervously back on the sofa and despite my best intentions was automatically nibbling on the lunch Rosalie prepared whilst Rosalie and Alice snatched the remote from each other and the wide screen was flicking from shopping channel to soap and back again.

"Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!" I yelled, this time they really did all go silent. I didn't get mad much, and they knew that when I meant it I really meant it. "I'm sorry Bella, I do try with them but..."

Bella smiled timidly seeing as Jasper was sending powerful guilt waves over the room.

"Jasper stop it. I think you should all be guilty enough, Alice go down to the shops and get a new TV remote please, Rosalie, make Bella lunch, Emmett, fix my table, Edward clean up the chess and Jasper please go up to the hospital and tell Carlisle to take the afternoon off."

There was a surge of "Mom, why do I have to do this..." but I ignored them and went and sat next to Bella on the sofa. Luckily the TV was stuck on a renovation channel without the TV remote so Bella and I sat quietly together and watched whilst the others grumbled that life wasn't fair. By the time Edward was finished it was the adverts and I sent him to go and play us some tunes.

"Esme?" Bella asked quietly. She never talked a lot without Edward around, but even less so to Carlisle or I directly.

"What is it sweetie?"

"I think you and Carlisle need to go away for a while, you know, spa week or golf, I'm not really sure what you find relaxing..." She trailed off and flushed a little in embarrassment. A week ago I wouldn't have really considered it. I couldn't remember ever leaving my little vampires, but all of a sudden...

"You know what Bella? I think that might be just what I need," I paused again, "But do you really think they would survive a whole week together?"

"Actually Esme – it might be just what they need too – it could be really fun."

"I never thought of it that way Bella and I'm pretty sure you're right. If we left you all for a week then you would have a chance to really get to know each other. I'm not saying that 80 years has made Edward and Rosalie strangers, but we've always been there and nobody's ever bonded. It's like you were made for this family." Bella blushed intensely and I could hear Edward miss half a note in my favourite tune.

"It's OK now everyone, you can come back." I knew perfectly well that the whole of the family would be waiting somewhere close to the house, at least within easy hearing distance and they were all seated within seconds. Carlisle bent over to kiss me, Edward tucked Bella onto her lap, after depositing the new TV remote Alice curled into Jasper's waiting arms, Emmett came in a little glue-y after his chore and beckoned Rosalie over to his lap on the arm chair as she passed Bella the new spit-free meal.

I looked around at the faces of my expectant family and felt more reluctant to leave; but I knew if we didn't go now I would never get the chance. Then Alice started to grin, Edward groaned and I realised it was too late to turn back.

"Carlisle and I are going away for the week. You will all be good. I don't know if Bella can stay al week but I'm leaving her in charge. The rest of should take notes on her behaviour. We aren't taking any phones, but..." I stopped myself, "nothing will happen, so there will be no need to contact us. We will be leaving in 10 minuets."

"It's OK Esme, Charlie's on a course this week so I can stay." The rest of them were too dumbfounded to speak so for once I could hear Bella without having to strain over the background noise.

Alice drew a long breath next, "Oooh, Mom! This is SO exiting – where are you going? - can I help you pack?"

I cut her off, "I don't know where we are going yet and you can't help me pack. I don't have hours."

"Well that's fine with me long as she doesn't get in the way." We all knew what Rosalie meant by this. Bella kept on smiling, she was just far too kind for my bunch.

"Are you sure you want to stay Bella?" Edward asked softly, simultaneously Emmett chimed, "Rose, I'm sure a little girl like Bella wouldn't get in the way of _our_ fun."

I felt another wave of calm come from Jasper, "Sure Mom, but you're not going to make us eat with her again are you?"

Carlisle and I chuckled softly and I shook my head as I ascended the stairs to pack. This was it. I was really leaving my babies for a whole week.


	2. House rules

**Chapter 2 – House rules**

Edward's POV

_Edward you will make sure what Bella says goes OK? _Though Esme softly, she really had got it into her head the Bella was the best behaved. I was slightly offended, oldest should be in charge was my first thought, but then remembering Jasper I decided I really didn't want him manipulating our emotions for a whole week... 168 hours... 10,080 minuets... 604,800 seconds... this week would be terrible. Emmett would tease me and Bella would try to change my mind too. Like I didn't want to... Alice would try and turn us all into Barbie dolls, Rosalie would drive us crazy with her temper tantrums and Jasper would get too gooey on Alice and whoosh another fight with my self control.

Esme and Carlisle climbed into the Mercedes and the last seconds of tranquillity and peace in the Cullen's house were gone. Instantly everyone started to talk at once about plans, excused, injustices in the _house_ rules and so on. The rules for whilst Esme and Carlisle were away were simple:

_1 – Bella is in charge. Age doesn't meant maturity._

_2 – No funny business, my furniture _will _be intact when we return._

_3 – No teasing or fights. Play nice._

None of this would happen and Esme knew it as well as I did. I could hear Alice thinking over possible ways to get us into the most extravagant outfits possible whilst Emmett was thinking about what he would do with Rosalie that night. I wasn't sure which was worse.

Bella looked around and grimaced, twenty minuets ago life had seemed good to her. I took the hint and got the others to shut up with quiet threats of suitable tortures. They all turned to Bella grudgingly.

Bella's POV

_I didn't ask for this! _I though frantically, what did I want with a houseful of vampire. For some unknown reason Edward got them to shut up – and all stare at me...

"I didn't ask for this!" I repeated to them dully.

They all shouted various responses back at me, even if they had been at human speed I probably would have only been able to understand one of them at a time. I decided to use at least a little of my assigned power.

"Shut-up guys, one at a time already." I had unconsciously taught the Cullen kids their first lesson.

Alice spoke first, "I'm sorry Bella, it was just your husband was rummaging around in my head and think about the worst possible out..."

"Next," I interrupted.

"Your boyfriend is out of control, I think it's from lack..." I didn't even let Emmett finish the sentence before I signalled to Rosalie to start.

"I'm sorry Bella I didn't really spit in your sandwiches, I got some mayonnaise on the plate and it looked ugly so I just..."

"It's OK Rose, next," this was getting boring already, I did note that both Alice and Rose had apologized. I didn't notice that Alice had rearranged herself in-between Rose and Jasper and I unthinkingly nodded to her to restart,

"And so Bella, like I said, it was all about the clothes, and when I saw you go home to get clothes I saw you get that awful green jumper and I couldn't stand it so I just though we have plenty..."

I cut her off again, "Whatever Alice, next!"

"Really?" she squealed in delight.

"NO!" she didn't seem put off though. Darn, I needed to get tougher.

Jasper looked at me sullenly, "You really aren't going to make us eat human food again are you, I thought I would never feel better after last time."

"Don't worry Jasper, I won't," I turned to the last and most beautiful face fearing that what he had to say would annoy me most.

"You really-" and already it had, "don't have to do this yet, we haven't called Charlie yet-"

"He'll say yes," interrupted Alice. More and more the idea of Charlie denying Alice something for the first time in the history of the world seemed more and more appealing.

I didn't need to hear the rest of what Edward wanted to say, "Guys, I really didn't ask for this so if we could just try and survive the next week it would be really, really great. I want to go home and get my stuff, don't worry Alice, not the green jumper, you can even come help if you like. Please don't kill any furniture whilst I'm gone, if Emmett does, please Jasper lock Rose away till her fixes it."

Rose smiled vaguely at my failed attempt of humour. She and Emmett were obviously too worried I was serious.

"Come on Bella – we'll take the Volvo and we'll make a day of it in Olympia!" Since when did you make a day of picking up a wash bag from your house?

"Oh, I'll come too," chimed Rosalie.

"But babe," I heard Emmett moan.

Edward turned automatically to come with us but I put out my hand to stop him, "It's OK, you can keep Emmett company."

Jasper's POV

I slouched down on the sofa to watch a game, I didn't really care what the others did, I would just wait for Alice to get back, when I would almost undoubtedly get a two-hour showing of her new things.

"Well crap!" Emmett said punch the wall. He'd been sending off some pretty flirty waves before Rosalie left.

"Go clean that up," I directed him not looking away from the screen.

"No, Bella's not here, you're not in charge. And besides – what's making me? - Rose isn't here to be locked away either."

"Aw, shut up Emmett," said Edward going to sit by the piano, "It wouldn't be hard to persuade Alice into making it a round tour to Seattle."

"I know little brother, let's play truth or dare..."

***

Rosalie's POV

At least there was some fun in Esme and Carlisle's going away, Alice and I were usually limited to just one shopping trip a week (minus special occasion and...) Of course today Alice would be more interested in helping Bella in her fashion crises, or rather fashion-less crisis and I really needed some new Gucci shades. Not I can go a nice brown tan colour any more; but it's nice to imagine.

"So Bella, I think we can make it around most of the mall today but tomorrow we'll need to come back for the third story. But that's OK, you didn't have any plans," said Alice turning round to Bella in the back seat, I laughed to myself as Bella eyes widened as Alice's attention drifted of the road.

"Really Bella, Alice has driven to the mall more times that you have ever got dressed!"

Bella frowned again, "It's not that Rose, but I don't know if I do have any plans tomorrow, tomorrow's Emmett's."

"WHAT?" They chorused.

"You don't really think I would want to be planning things for all week. You each get a day where you are in charge."

Alice did a wide U-turn over the highway.

"Alice, I really needed shades," I moaned, Bella didn't look too disappointed though.

"If I've got a day... then I really need to get planning!"

***

Jasper's POV

"I know little brother, let's play truth or dare..." Emmett said, turning to Edward menacingly.

Just as he said that, Alice's tiny and perfect figure flew in the door dragging Bella and Rosalie behind.

"Hey babe!" Emmett said, his mood instantly lightening.

"Emmett," Alice instructed, "there is no time. Bella, has created, probably the best plan ever, A WHOLE DAY!" she screamed as she started to dance upstairs.

"Um... Alice, I was going to let you vote," Bella said just as much to us as Alice, apologies our ruined peace in her eyes, Edward was certainly more thankful than she realised.

With in split seconds Alice was standing on the table, face to face with Bella, "Well, they all voted yes," her eyes clouded over momentarily whilst she checked, she turned to me, "What? Jasper – I can't believe you said NO – why? Please NO."

"It's OK, Alice, I say yes, what are we saying yes to anyway?"

"Well I really don't want to be in charge all day," typical Bella, not wanting to be centre of attention, "So I thought we could all have a day each."

You could see the wheels turning in Emmett's brain, "Bella aren't there like, seven days and," he looked round the room checking, "and only six of us."

"Yes, I've already had a couple of," she checked the time on the muted TV's clock, "well minuets actually, so I'll get today and before Esme and Carlisle get home next Friday. That's fair right?"

Emmett grinned. Why Bella, why? I thought. I saw Edward nod quickly to me and jumped down on the sofa quickly hoping he could still convince them to change their minds.

"What, we get Sex Ed all day from Emmett; Alice will make us, shop till, well, we drop; Jasper will make us into emotional savages and we'll all get bummed out of our minds when Rose is in charge!"

Rose turned around sharply, and although she was kinda looking forward to having a day, "Yea, and we'll all go suicidal with Edward!" she screamed in his general direction.

Before a full-scale fight could start Bella kicked in, "quit it guys, I'm still in charge. Let's all do something. Don't you have any board games or anything?" The desperation was clear but subtle in her tone.

"Well," I said, speaking for one of the first times since the girls came in, "before you came in we were just going to play truth or dare..."


	3. Cullen's don't chicken

**Chapter 3 – the Cullens don't chicken**

Emmett's POV

We snickered as Bella frowned, we knew she wouldn't go back on what she said,

"OK," she said eventually, as if she had been weighing up her options very carefully, "But I haven't played with you guys before so, you'll have to explain your rules; how many chickens do you get?"

Before I even had a chance to start laugher at Bella my sexy wife Rose stepped on to it (quite literally – she stepped with her long, perfect legs into the middle of the group) "Bella, do you have any idea why we only play when Esme and Carlisle aren't watching?" Rose asked, Bella shook her head, "Well, lets just say the Cullens don't do chickens."

I couldn't hold it in any more, my booming laugh bounced of the big white walls, "You're face Bella, ha ha ha! It's not that bad, we've only been arrested a few times."

Bella's face got paler and paler. Alice was in on the plan,

"And the furthest we ever gone is only New Mexico."

Jasper joined,

"It's not like we're ever removed _all_ our clothes."

Edward chipped in too, but much to my annoyance he spoiled the fun instantly, "Come on guys, she doesn't have to play if she doesn't want to."

"It's OK, the Cullens don't play chickens," grinned Bella, "Emmett, truth or dare?"

Easy, "Dare."

"Let's go swimming then!"

"What?" Bella wasn't going to ask me to skinny dip in the back yard or some thing like that, the others had seen me do that with Rose...

"Shut up!" Said Edward who had obviously been poking around in my head he frowned and I made my mental picture more vivid, he started to grin though as Alice's eyes unfocused and my dare was revealed to those with annoying gifts.

"Nice!" she commented to Bella.

"Emmett, Bella knows how good at swimming you are..." explained Edward.

"Yea, of course I am."

"Well, big brother," Edward never said that unless it was bad... "we all know how much you would love to win the Pacific county finals, and seeing as the Forks and La Plush competitor was taken ill..."

Alice couldn't wait any more, "and we just know how much you would like to swim it NUDE!" she screamed.

_Oh crap._

Edward's POV

This was going to be good. As annoyed as I was that Alice I spoilt my excellent telling of the dare we all burst out laughing whilst Emmett cursed in his head.

"There's a first for everything," Jasper snickered.

"But that's really not fair. I mean don't we have any rules in the house?" Begged Emmett desperately.

"Nope," said Bella who was still flushed red from laughing, "the Cullens don't play chickens remember? If you really want you can have a swimming hat..."

Emmett grimaced, not a look he often wore. You will pay little brother, he thought, you could have stopped this.

"This is pay back for the woman's undies in Juneau," I shivered just at the memory of the fateful last day there, it was the last time Esme had left home for more than six hours.

"Oh, that reminds me!" squealed Alice, "I have the perfect outfit."

"Um... Alice? I don't think the definition of nude includes an outfit..." Bella pointed out.

"I know, but Emmett needs something to take off or he won't even be let in."

***

Alice's POV

We piled into the Volvo and got to Seattle just in time. Luckily the competitor for Forks and La Plush (who coincidentally had been that creep Mike) hadn't been able to compete supposedly due to severe vomiting, so there wasn't enough time to appoint a replacement and everyone who might possibly tell Carlisle or Esme wouldn't be attending. I'd checked, that the Forks bus was off and no body from La Plush was coming anyway, they went to the beach whenever it wasn't raining, lucky things.

It was only once we'd registered Emmett as the official competitor and we were all in the stands with fantastic banners I managed to whip up (apart from Rose who battered her eye lids a little and got through as Emmett's trainer); like I said, it was only here I saw a small junior in the corner of the stand. Edward saw her too.

"Alice," he muttered at vampire speed, no one human in the room would catch it, except maybe Bella who was very practised understanding us when we got frustrated or exited, "Alice, she missed the bus and drove all the way, she wouldn't have known that Mike pulled a sickie."

Jasper glanced at her swiftly, "I wouldn't worry, I can't tell if she recognised us, but she's far too scared to do anything."

I did though and started to look ahead. She would tell, everyone from high school last year, and they would tell their parents and... before I could tell the others and Edward had a chance to gasp Emmett and Rose walked out of the changing rooms. He was wearing my black gown and red swim hat combo very nicely, if I can say so myself and was grinning at the crowds of girls suddenly cheering him on.

Emmett would follow my instructions very carefully: he would only remove the gown in-between the the three and the two on the starting call, by which time it would be too late to stop him because the call was recorded; he would then swim the rest of the race, obviously win, but at a humanly comparable speed; the important bit though was that Emmett mustn't do or say anything else until he gets at least Rose, preferably all of us to back him up.

Bella looked mildly green all of a sudden, "Bella what's wrong?" I asked, leaning into her ear so she could hear me clearly against the wild crowds.

"Well, what if that girl..."

"Don't worry," I cut her off, but I could tell that wasn't what really the matter was, "Come on Bella, fess up."

She flushed.

"OMG, you are not worried about seeing Emmett's manly parts are you? I'm surprised, you're known us for a couple of years almost and you haven't walked in on them?" I asked nodding to Emmett and Rosalie who were kissing passionately in front of the wildest crowd of girls.

"Yes, but, this is different. I've never actually seen..." Bella trailed off suggestively.

"Bella, you are so funny at times! _You_ won't be able to see properly from here. Count yourself lucky."

Before she had time to protest again the automatic voice from the loudspeakers ordered competitors to take their places.

"Contestants please take your places on you allocated starting boards," another hurriedly recorded man's voice came over the waves, "can I just point a slight mistake in the programme? In lane four we actually have Emmett Cullen swimming for Forks and La Plush."

And that's when it hit me. Esme was going to kill us. She made us swear not to play truth or dare after Juneau, the fact we stilled played almost every time she was gone was irrelevant. Pictures of all the boring afternoons with no games flashed in front off me, the loudspeakers pulled me back out of my dismal state.


	4. You forgot the trunks

**Chapter 4 – you forgot the trunks**

"On your marks, in three-"and _rip_, the gown was off and screams from the crowd attempted to drown out the speaker, "-two, one, GO!"

The crowd was a mix of screaming girls, undisturbed guys, still cheering their representative and howling vampires. I saw Bella flinch but she was laughing along with us now. Any amount of dreadful, boring afternoons was worth this. As soon as Emmett touched the wall we sprinted (human pace of course) through the stunned security to Rose who was for filling her part of the game well,

"Emmett, honey, you forgot your trunks!" she shouted up the pool side waving a pair of unused Hugo Boss swimming trunks. At least the crowd were starting to see the funny side because looking at the judged faces alone didn't give us much hope that Emmett would ever swim here again. Emmett put on his bewildered face well.

***

Rosalie's POV

An hour later, just after all the other races had finished and the crowd was piling out the swimming pool staff let us go. They had been intent on lecturing us on responsibility until Jasper and Alice insisted they were out foster parents (how the pool staff actually believed them... well probably only a few thousand dollars was involved...) so they gave up and told Emmett to try getting some help with his memory.

"Good plan Mom," Emmett laughed in his deep, smoking voice to Alice as we slipped into the rest of the crowd.

"Not the best plan of the day however," Alice was laughing to and Edward's face seemed to lighten considerably (probably from something Alice thought), they had both spent the last hour in some sort of torture, "the plan best is Bella's."

Before Alice could explain Edward chipped in, laughing at my thought (I was right, he was poking in our heads), "Alice saw Esme finding out and our Sunday afternoons weren't going to be a pretty sight from now on. It really was going to be the most boring torture ever, in the form of scrabble."

"Ugh," said Emmett, he paused again, I could see his big, saucy brain working, "How does Bella giving us all a day each solve that?"

"Um, Emmett, Alice used the future tense, so the plan is still to be."

"Whatever Jasper," Emmett was good at shaking off knocks on his intelligence, "Just spill Bella."

"Um, Alice, I really don't think I have a plan. I was just going to leave the girl alone. You know, hope for the best." A shocked expression danced onto all our faces.

Emmett recovered first, "We could knock her out, make her think it's all a dream," not quite bothered enough to stop joking her turned to Bella, "Or we could just get Edward to _dazzle _her."

Edward and Bella grimaced and Jasper and I laughed with Emmett teasingly, Alice stayed watching the swimming pool door, her eyes went blank again as she saw forward,"Oh, um, guys, Bella's right, turn around."

We all turned around just in time to see the girl coming down the pool steps and tripping spectacularly. She was out for a few seconds but through the sounds of panicking humans I could make out, "What? How long was I out? I guess it was all a dream..."

Laughing, the Cullens made sweet escape into the Volvo and onto the high road.

Jasper's POV

"STOP!" Bella screamed, for a moment I thought we really had forgotten the trunks, "Pull over Edward."

"We're just at the mall Bella, can't we pull over in a second?" asked Edward starting to pull over anyway.

"No, the mall's fine. Everybody out," she instructed, "don't forget it's still my day."

I could feel Alice was frustrated, somebody, likely Bella, was changing a plan too quickly for Alice to work out.

Complaining as they walked, the rest of the family and I (despite her annoyance Alice was happy to be in one of the places she loved best) made it into the mall.

"Alice, truth or dare."

Alice didn't need to consider it. For the fun of the others she never picked truth as she didn't have any secrets, most of her time everyone knew she spent shopping and her human life was as secret to her as it was too us. Then she saw Bella's dare.

"Oh NO Bella. I am not doing that. Uh-uh. No way. The mall is my home-"

Rosalie coughed.

"- OK, the mall is like a second home to me. These boutique owners are like my family-"

We all coughed now.

"-OK, these boutique owners are like my extended family and I will not make a fool of myself in that way in front of them."

"But you'd do it in front of us?" Bella verified.

"That's different," Alice said calmly masking her franticness, "You did want a pink flowery wedding didn't you?"

"Fine," Edward quickly replied for Bella, judging by her emotions she was frozen in horror, "Rosalie, I dare you to kiss every butt you can find."

"Edward, Emmett already dares me to kiss him."

"What? That doesn't count," I said, "That's stupid, you do that all the time."

"No," Emmett said sticking up for Rosalie, "I don't mean no she doesn't do that all the time," he stopped, probably considering if she didn't and feeling pain beyond Bella's at the thought of a pink wedding, "But she said she was just getting into her personal coach role."

"Oi," whined Rosalie, you weren't meant to tell them that bit.

"Come on guys, lets not waste a trip to the mall, um... let me think of another dare..." great she would either have to dare me or Edward now and the odds weren't in my favour. Luckily my angle had another plan,

"You say let's not waste a trip to the mall... but seriously guys, what better thing to do at a mall than SHOP!"

We couldn't stop her, she grabbed Bella by the arm and Rosalie followed willingly, still complaining about sunglasses. They left Edward, Emmett and I standing like lemons by the fountain.

"Sometimes I really wish I could eat food," Emmett mused as Edward and I sat on the edge of the fountain.

"Why?"

"Well, then you could hang at cafés." he replied simply.

"You still could," Edward pointed out, "you would just get a bit sick after. Come and sit down though, you look a little odd standing around like that."

It was true, Emmett was out of it, staring blissfully at the nearest Starbucks.

"I don't really want to. I might get wet; I've had enough bad experiences with water for one day. I think I'll get a cookie. You guys want one?"

"Ugh, no, Emmett you'll get sick. Emmett! EMMETT" _Great._ That's my evening of peace gone...


	5. Pop corn

**Chapter 5 - popcorn**

Bella's POV

Eventually Alice was done shopping. And it was even more of a squeeze back in the Volvo. I had to go in the back with the others because to make it worse, Emmett felt awful from five chocolate cookies he had eaten; enough to make any human (let alone a vampire who had to sick up food anyway) feel awful.

We got home at a bit past nine and the sounds of Emmett violently vomiting put me off super and so the rest of us snuggled down of the sofa for a quiet movie night and reflected on the day.

"I really didn't think Esme would go," said Edward, stroking my hair.

"And you would know!" Said Rose sarcastically from the arm chair where she was reading Vogue. She seemed to be blaming me for Emmett's cookie feast and subsequent illness, she looked at Edward, Alice, Jasper and I curled up on the sofa and made a small disapproving sound before storming upstairs to read to poor Emmett.

"Well, that lightened the atmosphere a whole lot," commented Jasper watching her fleeting back.

"Don't think I can't hear you!" shouted Rose from upstairs. At times I was tempted to ignore her just as much as she ignored me. Edward squeezed me tighter.

"I really didn't think she would go though. It's not something I thought she would do."

Jumping up and running to the kitchen before the microwave to sound Alice agreed, "No, I wouldn't have seen it before Bella suggested. But I can see us surviving till the end of the week, just about. And Esme will be really happy again. So it'll be worth it." she summarised, plopping back onto the couch and shoving a bucket of popcorn at me.

The others laughed and I felt like I was missing out on a joke because they defiantly weren't laughing at the movie. Jasper took the liberty of explaining,

"Emmett... Emmett..." he laughed, "Emmett wants popcorn!"

"What? I just said it smelt good!" shouted a horse, ill Emmett from upstairs.

"I think it smells grotesque." moaned Jasper, "but don't worry, you can eat it Bella, I don't mind."

We sat for a few more minuets but the movie was awful.

"This movie's crap Alice. I don't care if the title had _dresses_ in I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Night guys," I said putting my now useless pop corn onto the table top.

"Wait Bella. Who's is tomorrow?" Asked Alice.

I understood what she meant perfectly despite the odd it sounded, I hesitated, "You know I hadn't really thought about that."

"Aw come on the Bella, give it to me," Alice chirped with her sweetest look.

With in seconds the other four vampires in the house were also in front of me, giving me their sweetest smiles. Which in Emmett's case, seeing as he still looked fairly ill was just amusingly pitiful.

"Look guys I really don't know, I'll work it out tonight or pick a name out the hat in the morning." they all chorused in objection, "OK, OK. We'll... then I had a flash of inspiration, "let's see who can eat most pop corn!"

It was Jasper who I really wanted to see eat. If he really took as long to recover as he said he did this morning... well, I'd probably feel bad but I still wanted to know.

"Stop!" shouted Alice, "You don't need to do that Jasper, she said it was Emmett's day tomorrow anyway when we were in the car." The realisation of what she had just said turned the corners of her mouth into a sad smile and Jasper hugged her thankfully. T_he shops would still be open on Sunday_ I thought dully to myself.

"Aw, Alice, I didn't realise you wanted tomorrow so much. Emmett would-"

"No way Bells, tomorrow is mine and I won it fair and square!"

I peered over to the pop corn, "EMMETT!" I wasn't sure who screamed loudest. But Emmett did look a little sorry,

"But you said we had to eat pop corn."

"Emmett I really don't want you being sick again, it's gross, I just wanted to see if Jasper reacted quite as badly as he said." I explained, soon wishing I hadn't, because I knew my hopes of Jasper eating any were completely gone.

"Nope Bella, not a chance," he muttered in Alice's hair.

Jasper and Alice turned back to the film, Rosalie stroked Emmett's arm gently, I almost felt sorry for her, she looked so sad for Emmett. I definitely felt sorry for Emmett, even though it was his fault he was so sick.

"Jasper... I dare you to eat pop corn."

"No way Bella," Jasper said with out even turning round, "You missed your chance. Today's Emmett's. Happy Saturday."

"What?" But I still had to decide who went for the rest of the week, I sighed dejectedly seeing that it was 12:01, "Night then guys."

"What? Today's mine though! I don't want you to go to bed I want to..." Emmett didn't have time to finish the sentence, he almost flew to the nearest bathroom.

"Well, night guys."

Edward and I walked up stairs slowly, content to go at human pace for once with our hands swinging in between us. He left me alone whilst I changed and got ready for bed then came and lay on the covers of his oversized gold bed with me.

"So, what do you think Emmett's going to make us do in the morning," Edward asked, I couldn't reply though. I was already fast asleep, dreaming of all the awful things he might make us do...


	6. Cullen kids at war

Thank you to everyone who has commented really nice stuff! Really appreciated! Sadly the Cullen's aren't mine :S but we all love them anyway! x

**Chapter 6 – Cullen kids at war**

Emmett's POV

Yuck. I was sick all night – really ruined my plans with Rosalie. Not to mention the state our room was in... I wondered if Esme would clean it up when she got back, then I realised probably not. It was all my fault in the first place... I could have been the chlorine the pool that made me go funny in the place and want to eat those cookies. Carlisle never puts chlorine in the pool here. Or maybe he does, he said there's one chemical he doesn't like...

Me and Rose were lying on our bed. The first time we'd ever been that still in there. I was staring at the Red curtains. Rose had been there holding my hand all night but now she was starting to figit,

"Why did you eat those stupid cookies Em, and then all that pop corn? I mean didn't you see how ill you were already?"

I was too tired to answer her properly and I knew that would annoy her, so I started to snore.

"Honey," she said placing her long, manicured hands onto my back and laughing softly, "I don't think vampires sleep; even the biggest and sexiest ones."

Darn, it was easy to forget that sort of thing sometimes. I rolled over and Rose started to kiss me,

"Bella's not up yet you know..."

I gave her a quick kiss before I pulled away – not something I did often – in fact, this was a first. But this was also the first day I could do whatever I liked with my annoying siblings. A nice forest fight or something, with lots of mud, the tress needed thinning anyway and Alice would enjoy constructing uniforms.

"Babe, I haven't planned a single bit and my days already..."

"Six," Rose helpfully mouthed.

"hours gone. That' s a..."

"Quarter"

"of my day gone! I don't want to waste a single second of my time!"

I didn't need my annoying big brother's talent to tell Rose was really pissed; I didn't need my annoying little sister's talent to tell that Rose wouldn't be speaking to me for a while; and I definitely didn't need my most annoying little brother's talent to work out what she was thinking.

"FINE THEN! Don't wast a second on me! You go play all Bella's little games!"

"Wait, babe, you knew I didn't mean it like that!"

"Do I?" She screamed, slamming the bathroom door; she knew I knew she was getting changed and that was torture... "I can hear her waking up now. Go play with BELLA!"

Edward's POV

Things weren't sounding good down in Emmett and Rose's corner of the house.

"Go play with BELLA!" Rose screamed. _Bella_ woke up at this,

"Huh, what time is it? What happened?"

"Just past six Bella love. Go back to sleep." I told her.

"But what happened?"

"Nothing, Rose is a little annoyed with Emmett, that's all."

"But why was Rose screaming about me?" Bella persisted.

I didn't bother answering, it seemed Emmett and his sullen thoughts were coming upstairs anyway. _Life's not fair_ he though.

He repeated his thoughts out loud as he slumped though the door and flung himself onto my couch.

"Morning Emmett," I grinned.

"Huh," was all he could manage.

"You been sleeping around again?" I teased Emmett sarcastically, but Emmett looked really really bad.

"Aw, Emmy!" crooned Bella climbing over me to wrap her arms round Emmett on the sofa. I watched them bemused, "now tell me, it can't be that bad, whatever you've done it can't be that bad. I'm sure she'll forgive you."

"Bells," Emmett replied sadly, "I was really looking forward to my day. I thought we could have a nice fight or something," I laughed, I really couldn't help it, Bella grimaced at me, "I didn't want one like this. Mud, water, chlorine or something..." whatever he meant by chlorine was for anyone to guess but Bella looked really into his story.

"Don't worry Em, I'm sure Rose will come round when she see how much fun you fight is," the words sounded so strange coming from Bella I just had to laugh. She sent me a sharp warning glance but that just made me laugh harder.

"Thanks Bells. Your really nice to me. I'm gonna make you some breakfast and then I can get Rose back."

"Thanks Em. I'm sure you can." As soon as Emmett's muscular behind was outside the room she turned stormily to me, "What was all that about?"

"All what?" I replied jokingly, "Rose gets in a strop all the time. She'll get over it."

"I was just being nice to my big brother!" she screeched, "If that's too hard for you to understand that's fine. It's his day today but he spent the night vomiting and now he's practically having vampire hysterics. Emmett, cooking? Edward, he's sad."

I tried by best to dazzle her our the hissy fit. It didn't seem to work.

"Edward Anthony Cullen. Do not think that you looks will get you out of it this time!"

Wow, she couldn't be serious, "are... are we fighting?" I stumbled.

"Yes, I suppose we are. I'm going to have breakfast with Emmett. I'll see you later." Bella said calmly' but only after what seemed like a long time of thinking through her answer.

I certainly hadn't expected that.

Alice's POV

I was dragging Jasper round the closet, picking out coordinated outfits that would be suitable for what ever unlikely and stupid activity Emmett picked out for us. He hadn't actually make up his mind so I couldn't check.

I nearly fell over when I heard Bella and Edward upstairs.

"Bella!" I said rushing to the door. My outfit wasn't perfect but at least I was decent, Jasper would survive.

"Honey," Jasper moaned. It was no likely to be because me not finishing of his outfit.

"What?" I asked, pausing in the door frame.

"They'll get over it, can't we just have a little me and you time for a while. Rosalie and Emmett were already ripping each other's heads off but you didn't go comfort them."

"Rose and Em can't cried. Bella needs someone to pass her tissues or her dress will be ruined." I answered quickly.

"But Bella's not that sad, she's angry with Edward but she knows he won't leave her in spite. Bella won't cry, they'll get over it."

"I think I know what will and won't happen thank you!" oops, that was it, my patience was gone, "You go comfort Rose if she needs it that bad! I have a best friend who is in need of a hug!"

I stormed out the door and raged into the kitchen where Bella was eating Emmett's burnt toast. She took one look at my face and came over to comfort _me_.

"I guess all the Cullen kids are at war anyway," sighed Emmett.


	7. Declarations

**Chapter 7 - declaration**

Jasper's POV

I stalked into the garage grimly, hoping to get a little alone time. It seemed there were two more less-than-happy vampires also trying to do the same.

Edward was sitting in his Guardian, obviously not planning on going anywhere because his keys were still in the bowl and Rosalie was sitting in her convertible with the roof down and her eyes shut. They were both silent but their head snapped to me as I walked in.

"Ugh," I said in Rosalie's direction.

"What?" she asked in a fed-up voice.

"What was all that lust for. It's gotta be said, I don't think any of us want to feel it right now."

"None of you business," she snapped back, "Besides, I thought you were Emmett coming to grovel."

"Rose," Edward inserted, "I really don't think he's coming to grovel. If he weren't busy enough feeling sorry for himself, he's doing a pretty good job of feeling sorry for Alice and Bella. I don't think we get any sympathy."

"Actually Jasper," Rosalie said playfully, "You know what would be really funny?"

"What?" I asked, leaning on the side of my motorbike.

"Well, if you just sent that little wave of lust over to the house..."

"Right Rosalie, the house is a really long way from here."

"Alice is too busy with our dear brothers and sisters to notice anything we do, we could go a little closer" remarked Edward who had got out the car and was now standing a few paces from the garage door.

"Fine, whatever, but I need someone else to get a little lusty then." I agreed; as much as I liked Alice to be all mine, this could be funny.

Edward and Rosalie turned their thoughts a little lusty, probably to the night before Esme and Carlisle left and I let the waves rip...

***

Emmett's POV

Alice, Bella and I sat on the sofa, all of us a little too out of it to turn the TV on. All though Bella had been annoyed, and not really sad at all, being in the presence of two sad _and_ annoyed vampires seemed to do the trick so Alice and Bella each had a head resting on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry about this Em. Your day has been awful, I should never have even suggested Esme and Carlisle go away." apologized Bella for the millionth time.

"It's OK Bella, you didn't ask for this." I replied. Rose had been due to get in another strop with me at some point so that it happened in the worst timing possible was really no surprise.

"It'll all be worth it," repeated Alice, turning her spiky head a little so she could see Bella past my vast six pack.

Suddenly I felt very... turned on by their presence. And it seemed they felt the same, Bella was first to my lips but Alice wasn't far behind and pushed her off with her vampire strength. Bella's lips moved to my bare neck, the whole feelings lasted seconds though as our pissed partners stumbled into the room together.

It took us seconds to work it out,

"JASPER!" we screamed.

"Hey hey people," said Jasper holding up his hands, "she told me too."

The usually non-violent Bella walked up to the troublesome threesome, who in my opinion (not that Bella and Alice weren't good... but I'm married...) were asking for everything they got. Bella started at Jaspers end of the line,

"I hate you. I hate you all," she paused opposite Rose in the middle, "And you..." she didn't seem to have the right words (a situation I would happily have helped her with) and then moved on to Edward, "And as for you, you've heard the last time I call you gentlemanly. EVER!"

She turned out of the room and through the open dinging room door, and was about to wade through the river when Alice sprinted out and picked her up, probably saving her outfit; I didn't want to be left with the more moody vampires and ran after them,

"Wait for me!" I wailed.

Rosalie's POV

I watched the figures of my husband and supposed sisters and shuddered delicately. Some family I had, at least I could rely on some of them... although I never thought I would say that about Edward.

"Ha," Edward said, he seemed very bright considering he just got told good by his finance.

"Aw, she'll get over it." He said flopping over the couch.

"When you're done in my head, I think I have an idea." I said, annoyed.

Jasper, who was still mooching in the corner didn't seem impressed, "Come off it Rose, your last idea only got us in more trouble. Edward's right, they'll get over it."

Edward and I ignored him, "Nice." he commented, obviously having been in my head again.

Curiosity got the better of Jasper, "Fine, what is it?"

"Emmett was thinking we could have some little war games today, so, why don't we give him what he wanted?" And at the same time as sweet revenge, I also got one up from giving him what he wanted.

"Seriously Rosalie, lets just play nice and then once they've forgiven us we can do what Emmett wants in the afternoon." complained Jasper.

"We'll let you play Major." Taunted Edward, knowing he just wouldn't be able to resit.

"Fine," he finally agreed, pretending to regret it, "but I won't enjoy it."

***

Alice's POV

_Emmett was thinking we could have some little war games today..._ I heard Rosalie say in two minuets time.

_No way, _I thought. They were in the bad, so we should get the honours of declaring the war.

"You know what?" Bella asked sitting on a rock carefully, we were deep into the forest where Edward couldn't hear us, "I think we should just forget about them for a while," it looked like she was doing my job for me, "Emmett, what did you say you wanted to do today?"

"I wanted to play war games but I don't really think..." said Emmett trailing off. He kicked the rock Bella was sitting on, causing the side to crumble away into fine gravel.

"Em," I urged, _60 seconds_, "We could still play."

"No, I don't think we could, it wouldn't be fair, Bella would lose in seconds." he sulked.

"We could play teams?" suggested Bella.

"No really guys, somebody would have to play on their own," he carried on, oblivious to my point.

"You know Emmett, I think the Cullen kids have rather helpfully split into two equal teams already." _Oh no, just 20 seconds for him to work it out, and counting..._

He worked it out with five to go, "Ladies," Emmett said excitedly, "we're at war."


	8. Uniforms

I hope you like :D The Cullen's are Stephenie Meyer's but the story is all mine! Please carry on reviewing and thanks for all the nice ones you guys are giving me! xx

**Chapter 8 – uniform**

Bella's POV

Alice rushed us back into the house.

"Alice, we can't go back to the house in a war game, You've got to play with what you've got!" moaned Emmett.

"Don't worry Em, the others aren't in the house, the others have gone shopping! They won't be getting anything good though, I checked, we don't need the shops for some fab new outfits," Alice grinned the smile I knew too well, _you're my barbie_, I could practically read her mind, "Rose's new Christine Dior shirt will make sure really good head bands."

Rose's new Christine Dior shirt did make admittedly good head bands. Emmett changed into and white tank top, cargo pants and combat boots, with the classic jungle style head band and identity tag-round-the-neck look. Alice went for the Barbie plays war games look, although whenever I next caught a gimps of Rose it was sure to be ten times worse; Alice had camouflage stilettos, a white mini-dress, she had used her strip of Rose's shirt as a hair-band-bandanna and was wearing large amounts of green eye shadow. I got away lightly with the green make-up, I actually though Alice hadn't done to bad, she tied me hair in a French-plait with my shirt-strip and I had a long green top with a belt and white shorts. After a lot of complaints Alice let me have some boots like Emmett's.

"It's only because I fear for your health." Alice had said when she passed me the black heavy boots. It was true I would probably break a leg even walking in the type of stilettos Alice was wearing.

Emmett hadn't really been interested in Alice's 'uniforms' and kept on figiting as she painted war stripes onto his cheeks.

"Look guys," he said seriously, "once you too have applied enough power to your faces can we please do some fun stuff."

"Emmett," replied Alice gravely, not looking up from my face, "I will be done in two minutes. You distracting me will not help, go raid the airing closet before I have to start Bella's make-up all over again."

"How did you know?" Gasped Emmett, as if it was surprising she could ever tell what he wanted to do.

"Emmett. Do you want a good base or not?"

"Going Alice. Reporting out at oh-eight-twenty two." Emmett left the room and I heard his footsteps noisily up stairs. Alice left the room just before two minutes was up and returned noiselessly just before a third minute passed, Emmett came back into the room with a large pile of sheets, string and paint cans.

"Did I hear you go somewhere Alice?" He asked suspiciously checking Alice's empty hands.

"It's out front." she answered simply, "I was hoping we could take you Jeep, you'll find the perfect spot in about 10 minutes time."

Emmett nodded and laughed, running out to the garage, I walked over to pick up his abandoned load but dropped it back down again,

"Ow!" it was a whole lot heavier than he made it look.

We got out to the front steps and I paused in my tracks. Was someone moving? I was about to ask when Emmett pulled round in the Jeep and wound down the window in front of Alice,

"Bella, you can start loading if you like, Alice, I think you must have been too busy to notice, but your porche..." Emmett, started to speak slower and slower, "Um... Alice, I don't think your porche is yellow any more."

Alice turned round mechanically, she uttered one word, "Load." Emmett or I didn't dare ask what she was going to do so we just did as we were asked like scared puppies. We didn't talk to each other whilst we worked, but I could hear Emmett muttering to himself about the things Alice wanted in the Jeep. Eventually I couldn't hold my confusion either,

"A kettle? I mean, why do we need a CD player? What are we doing, building a house in the forest?" I asked.

Emmett sighed too, "I just don't know Bella, but sometimes I think she was in _there_ for a reason and it didn't wear off with the change."

"Oi, Emmett!" said Alice dancing out the garage again. She seemed a lot happier as she slapped Emmett's arm playfully, "I hope you've got everything in?"

"Yes, Alice. May I ask what some of the stuff's for though?" I asked her, climbing into the back.

"No, confidential information, only accessible to those with future telling gifts." she chirped back.

As her revved the engine, Emmett asked the question that had been on my lips too, "Alice, how did the other cars in the garage suffer just now?"

"He took the Volvo," Alice pouted, "so I had to make do with Rosalie's. Let's just say she wont be liking the pretty patterns on the windscreen."

Amused, Emmett carried on quizzing her, "Did you sort your porche?"

Alice hissed, "It looks best in yellow." We weren't going to find out anything else it seemed.

***

Rosalie's POV

We painted Alice's porche polka dot, clashing colours, just for the fun of it before we headed to the mall. Alice must be truly annoyed with us if she didn't want to take advantage a tag along.

All in all it was a quick trip, neither Jasper nor Edward _liked_ shopping, but they still had some pretty intense ideas about uniform. We ended up with a compromise of blue shirts (mine fitted – of course) and sailor hats – which is about as good as you get in a normal mall. Whilst they wore straight black pants and boots, I wouldn't have anything less than black shorts and six-inches. They moaned at me whilst I fixed my make-up into deep, blood reds.

Edward also insisted on dragging us round all the camping stores until Jasper helpfully pointed out that we had more than enough unused supplies at home.

When we did get home it was very quiet, the others must have still not got back yet, which surprised me as it was nearly ten. We pulled up into the garage, only to see they had been and gone – taking my convertibles pretty red sheen with them. It was a vile orange and across the window in the same disgusting colour Alice's script said _pay back_. Ouch, I thought, _she will_ pay.

Edward walked into the stores room at the side of the garage. It was quite depleted by the others presumably, although to be fair, none of us had checked them before Esme and Carlisle left. We took the remaining tents and other 'basics' Jasper told us would make our camp best.

We didn't bother taking a car, for one Emmett had already got his Jeep and none of the cars other than that were really suitable, but also the amount of supplies we could possibly make use of in the house had been severely depleted so we didn't have much to carry.

When we arrived at a clearing in the forest across the river we stopped and had the tents up in instants. Jasper adopted the largest one as the office and put up a camping table, he spread out a large, old wall map, probably from Carlisle's office, and pasted black-and-white pictures of Alice, Emmett and Bella on the wall like criminals, I found this particularly humours although I noted he might also want to replace them in Esme's photo album before she got back.

"Well boys," I finally said, "what do you do first in a war?"

Edward and Jasper just looked at me like I was crazy.

"You attack."

***

Bella's POV

Alice eyes unfocused suddenly, "Ew, their uniforms!" we laughed, then she stopped, "Get ready for an attack."


	9. let's play!

**Chapter 9 – let's play!**

Edward's POV

Jasper had planned just about everything whilst Rose had fussed over her nails. I had silently searched the supplies tent and filled up some hot water bottles to save Jasper time. He had been tying long sticks together in a platform arrangement. Rose didn't yet know what she would have to do with it yet, and the outlook didn't look good.

Once I'd filled my 77th water bomb, almost all pink, it was surprising Alice hadn't taken them herself actually; but it was here I decide to tell Rose her job, "Rose? If you're not too busy fussing over your hair, I think you should get ready for your job."

"Seriously Edward, not everyone can read minds, no one told me anything," she said in an annoyed tone.

"No, but I think it's pretty obvious there's stuff you could be helping with." Rose hated to be the dumb one.

"What? You want help, tying balloons too hard for you Edward?"

"No, but I think Jasper might want to test how heavy you are," I muttered, knowing she would hear me. I listened to her figuring it out, _what? Jasper? Where is he, oh, he's over there. What the hell does he think we're doing? We're playing wars not sticks... wait... how does that involve me?_

"You. Can. Not. be. Serious." she said dryly eyeing Jasper's throat.

"Don't worry, I don't think you need to test it," Jasper said merrily, ignoring Rose's temper, "if you could help me tie some canvas over to hold the balloons in it would be much appreciated though."

"Jasper, if you are thinking of getting me to sit on there, waving it ten feet in the air and getting me to drop bombs over the edge you must be crazy." Now Rose mentioned it, it did look a little unstable, but not that bad. It stood straight at seven feet without anyone carrying it; Jasper was tying white canvas over the wooden oblong frame at the top.

"Don't worry Rosalie, Jasper and I won't let you fall. And even if you did you wouldn't hurt yourself. Vampire, remember?" I teased her.

Rose didn't look convinced, "We could climb that high in the trees."

"Rose, we'll have to track them down too." said Jasper, collecting some other items and placing them all in a couple of packs: tins of paint, eggs, bags of sticky fluff, but nothing that could actually hurt Bella, "If Edward does anything to you at all I won't let him forget it." he promised.

Jasper chucked me a pack and Rose grudgingly climbed up onto his brilliant war stand. We set out to attack our loved ones.

***

Emmett's POV

Alice set up the most amazing camp ever. She, it seemed, had already thought through where everything should go and instructed me and Bella exactly where to put them. She was too busy tying the largest sheet we had across a couple of trees and painting B.A.B.E. in big letters, it stood for _better _(than the rest is)_ Alice, Bella _(and) _Emmett_. When Bella suggested the name, they burst out laughing like I was missing something funny about it. I think it's an OK name but a little far out, shouldn't it be _B.T.T.R.I.A.B.A.E?_ Maybe that was what they were laughing at, but I don't think it's very funny.

Once we had put up a ring of tents and shelters in the clearing, (I had very cleverly thought to use the same spot as we had sat in earlier when we declared war in) Alice got us moving on to preparing for the attack.

"Em, will you fix up the power supply in the Jeep so Bella can boil up some water and plug the CD player in." she asked me sweetly, "And Bella, in the glove compartment there should be a CD called _Songs Edward Really Hates_, if you could put that on."

"What, but if they're that bad then..." Bella asked wondering what level of self sacrifice she would have to put into the day for just a little bit of revenge.

"Don't worry, you might quite like them actually, it's hard to tell with all that paint on your face," said Alice looking into the future, "Edward just has some very funny reactions to that song."

I remembered last time we played war games as Alice instructed us, obviously it had been when Carlisle and Esme were out, I think Esme had been a primary school teacher at the time. The situation hadn't been quite the same though. I remember my winning move that fateful last day in Pittsburgh .

"EMMETT!" Alice sang, "That is an excellent plan, and I think I have just the right accompanying plan to go with it."

"Erm, Alice, what's that?" I asked.

"Never mind, get over here Bella." she whispered...

***

Edward's POV

We found them eventually. It seemed we couldn't follow the Jeep's trail easily but Emmett, Alice and Bella had set up camp in precisely the same spot they had been mooching around in this morning. _They couldn't have made it easier_, Jasper thought to himself.

We had our attack planned: we would prop Rose up in front of their camp, she had the balloons in a sling round her middle and could fend for herself, I had the eggs, a particular favourite of Bella's and Jasper had the fluff, this would drive Alice crazy, I could imagine her screaming in rage at the state of her hair. We all had a pot of paint, we had all wanted one in our partner's least favourite colour and it was honestly inevitable that the paint throwing would be most fun.

As we rounded the corner to their camp Rose threw half a tin of barbie pink unthinkingly. Then we all stopped. Alice and Bella were sitting in the middle of the clearing, there was a CD player but it wasn't on, _I can smell my rap, _I thought dreadingly, there were buckets of paint sitting near the girls but they remained untouched, a kettle had boiled and water pistols lay on the ground next to it, but they weren't filled, I could hear Jasper thank his lucky stars that they were empty, the temperature difference between our skin and boiling water makes it ten time as painful for us than a human, although it doesn't actually burn us, the last unused object in the clearing, and probably the one I was most thankful it was unused, was the pile of tofu, yuck. It smelt gross, it had been bought for Bella, but she found it even grosser.

I couldn't read Alice's mind to see if this was all a set up because she was repeatedly playing a sad song in her mind, I certainly couldn't _hear_ Emmett.

Bella sniffed dramatically, and Rose jumped off her tower down to Alice and Bella, "What is it sweetie, what has he done to you?"

Bella seemed reluctant to answer but Alice answered willingly enough, "He complained, about my uniform. And went to be on a team on his own. We didn't think we could do it on our own."

I noticed three things simultaneously, one – _I think... I think Alice is enjoying this_, Jasper thought, _huh, never really thought she would enjoy war games, maybe we should try it sometime when she forgives me..._ I tuned out here, despite listening intently to the first part of Jasper's discovery. Second thing I noticed was a chuckle about 200 metres away; and the final thing I noticed was Rosalie's face: priceless.

"Alice, I'll kick his ass for you... wait..." she said, "IS THAT MY NEW SHIRT YOU'VE GOT ROUND YOUR HEAD?"

Rose didn't seem to care that their team was two vampire's short and had one klutzie girl in replacement but she was ready to tear their heads off.

Jasper moaned loudly and jumped forward to restrain Rose, "Sorry Alice," he muttered, knowing Alice was happy to have him back, "we'll all help you to kick Emmett's butt if you like."

The poor girls in the middle of the clearing suddenly had flashes of evil grins across their faces but they quickly turned them back to sweet smiles, "Would you?" Bella whispered, "He went that way," she pointed to the direction of the laugh.

Before I could tell Rose or Jasper what I'd worked out they had agreed and I was being dragged along with them. The trees whizzed past us at vampire speed. Suddenly a home made mud-bicarb-and-special-ingredient bomb dropped out from one of the trees and another vampire shape sprinted back the way we had came.

Before we knew what had hit us we were covered in the stuff.

"Ew," Rose groaned, "My hair."

Despite my sticky situation I couldn't help laughing with Emmett, Alice and Bella who were walking back our way. Emmett held out a sticky hand to us,

"Fine, you win," said Jasper, "but this time Mom _mustn't _find out why there's a new clearing in the trees." We probably could have stayed in Pittsburgh if it wasn't for that fatefully slip up on Emmett's behalf...

We climbed back into the Jeep together with all the salvageable remains of our bases and rode back the house in quiet peace.

***

Bella's POV

The others came out of the war just fine but I had a blotched red face.

Emmett couldn't stop laughing as I itched my face in front of the TV. Rose's single paint splat had triggered an allergic reaction and Emmett told me I would be blushing for the rest of the day for my bad war crimes.

"Let's watch a film . That's what I want to do, what's on the war channel?" he asked.

We all groaned, "OK, OK, come on Rose... that's what I want to do..."

"Sorry," I suddenly said, I felt really bad about the day, "we all spoilt your day Emmett. You can have next Friday too if it makes it any better."

"No way little sister!" he grinned, "you guys played the best war game ever!"

I was too stunned to speak. I wondered if Edward's day tomorrow could possibly hold as many surprises...

any ideas you have are welcome! thanks again for all your nice reviews xxx


	10. collage comes early

I hope it's not to hard to follow, I just had to set the scene a bit before I can start my ideas for the next chapter.

The Cullens are Stephanie Meyer's and I love her greatly.

Please review and give me tips and inspiration! xxx

**Chapter 10 – collage comes early**

Edward's POV

When Bella had woken up I had finally finalised my plans. Alice had made varying snide remarks about my ideas but now she bounced into my room looking ecstatic.

"Oh, Edward! You couldn't have picked better, I can't see anything going wrong and..." she whizzed round the bed in large circles straight into Bella, and in chain reaction Bella hit her head on the bed post, "Oops, sorry Bella."

"I'm OK," sighed Bella, catching the trickle of blood of her forehead before it hit the pillows, "just a scratch."

I took her hand to the nearest bathroom where the cabinet had been pre-stocked with sticky plasters whilst Alice apologized, "I really am sorry Bella, I should have seen it coming, I was just so preoccupied with Edward's fault free planing that... Wait Edward!" she caught my hand and stopped me from sticking the plaster over the cut, "It go a really funny colour if you don't let it breath," _look Edward, ew or what?_ she thought, then carried on aloud, "put some tape on it and it will be perfect very soon."

Bella's POV

I blanked out whilst Edward and Alice fussed over the little cut on my head. Suddenly her eyes blanked over,

"Bella," Alice said urgently, "Go get dressed. Rose will take you for a picnic or something."

"I'll_ what_?" Shouted Rose from downstairs.

"Rose." Alice shouted back, "your sunglasses' lives depend on it."

Rose was there in a moment.

"Go Bella, go," said Alice.

"What no Barbie doll dressing today?" I asked mockingly.

"Just go, I need to talk to your boyfriend. Get Rose to help you," then Alice assessed Rose's half on jeans and Emmett's tank top from yesterday (backwards) "Well, do it yourself even, whilst Rose dresses, I'll get you something to take with you and munch, or something."

Whilst I was dressing Rose seemed to be filled in on the basics and ranted to me as we walked into the forest,

"I mean, I don't see why Em can't take you for breakfast, it doesn't involve him, or me actually, but I think I should know what's happening. Em doesn't care, and then to be honest it involves you more than either of us."

"But wait," I asked, "I thought Edward was just trying to get us to bond or whatever Esme said."

"Well funny way of showing it," Rose scoffed, "I think that was called getting you out the house as quickly as possible actually."

I stopped her, "What? So Edward's hiding stuff again?"

"No, don't worry Bella, I think they just wanted to get some stuff sorted before you got back, 'cause I think some guy from Dartmouth came on a surprise visit-" she started to explain but I turned on my heels, she caught me in a grip to keep from running back to the house, but I was walking to decidedly and she couldn't restrain me without hurting me.

"WHAT?" I screamed, knowing Edward and Alice would hear me.

***

Edward's POV

Whilst Alice had been attacking Bella this morning she had been going through my plans for the day. A walk and a picnic, maybe a trip to the cinema, some volleyball on the lawn and general family activities that the Cullens never do. Then someone else changed their mind, and whoever it was had just ruined our day.

After Rose being extremely annoying in her self centred way and scarring us all for life with yet more images of her jeans half-on, Alice and I got Bella out the house. Now we were standing in the middle of the kitchen starting in horror at each other. In theory one of our feature Dartmouth lectures coming to meet us whilst he was in town with family shouldn't be so bad. _But why does he have to come while Carlisle and Esme aren't here! This will be terrible..._ thought Alice in desperation. I imagined going back to the Volturi.

Alice managed a sly laugh, "Rose said you'd drive us suicidal!"

Emmett and Jasper walked in at that moment having heard the tyres turn in off the free way.

"Guys, you do realise you have an old man coming to visit you right?" Asked Emmett who was deeply amused by our panic.

"Yes, Emmett," answered Alice calmly, "Please act normal."

"Relax guys," grinned Jasper, "or do you want me to do that for you?"

Emmett didn't wait for a response, he lunged at me for a head lock, "Jasper says relax, or do you want _me _to make you?"

I couldn't get up from Emmett's sheer strength, at that moment Alice went into a full scale kiss with the not-so-currently-relaxed Jasper and Bella stormed in with Rose cautiously restraining her arms.

"WHAT?" she screamed again.

Split seconds later it would have been nice if the world could have ended, but instead there was a faint knock at the door and an old gentleman pushed the door open,

"Hello?" he asked feebly, "is this the Cullen residence? It's Mr Davis, your new college lecturer."

***

Mr Davis' POV

I drove down the long drive, it was the normal drive for a student, after all the kids have to have a certain amount of money to pay for a place like Dartmouth. I could hear screaming coming from the house (which was also very big) and presumed the Cullens had younger siblings; it didn't say so on the files but their parents could have adopted again now their older children were leaving home.

I couldn't see any cars about so I hoped that pulling my classic Mercury wouldn't offend them. Then again, they might not be in so I should have just stayed with my sisters back at their home in Port Angles.

I got out my car cautious at the sudden silence. The door was left open, presumably from someone entering the house just a little while before me; I tapped on the door gently and went on in.

"Hello?" I asked nervously, "is this the Cullen residence? It's Mr Davis, your new college lecturer." I looked around the room.

In the corner nearest the kitchen there were two boys fighting – very violently; not far from where I was standing there was two girls, one restring the other and holding some untouched picnic breakfast, the one being restrained had a black eye and a cut down her forehead, the last two children were girl and boy, passionately kissing, it was really weird, _like I could feel the love coming off them_.

Eventually the youngest boy laughed, as if he could read my thoughts...


	11. a nice chat

**Chapter 11 – a nice chat**

Mr Davis' POV

The tall, blonde boy pulled away from the girl and suddenly the whole room was very calm. The children sat down on the sofa and the brunette started eating some of the packed breakfast.

"Please, Mr Davis, sit down," said the youngest boy sweetly, "I hope you will excuse my brothers and sisters, we were just playing dares."

"Ha ha! Tame game that was!" Boomed the more muscular son.

"Shut up Emmett," hissed the smallest girl. Thank god he was Emmett not Edward and I wouldn't have to face teaching _him_.

"So which ones are Edward and Alice?" I asked quietly, wondering if I should just turn around and sprint, somehow I got the impression that if I did, they would catch me pretty easily, "I could come back later if your parents are out."

"No, it's quite alright," said the tallest, blonde girl, "I'm Rosalie Hale their eldest sister." she motioned towards the youngest boy and smallest girl, "that's Alice and Edward." then she motioned to the brunette girl, "that's Bella Swan, she's going to collage next year too."

I tried my best to laugh, somehow the tenseness that should be in the room had been lifted, "Well, no need for a side trip then."

They all stifled a laugh too.

"So what I came for was to get to know you all. I thought we could have a nice chat together."

Edward's POV

"So what I came for was to get to know you all. I thought we could have a nice chat together." Mr Davis said.

_Ha!_ I though watching Alice's visions of the day. Mr Davis day would be anything but nice if he stayed.

Jasper and Emmett slipped off into the garage and Rose made some tea, "Put something _tasty_ in it." I muttered at vampire speed. Bella just caught it and clasped her hand over her mouth to stop a laugh. She turned very red.

"I'm sorry to ask but from a professional view I think I should ask what your Rosalie did to you Bella. You don't look well, I think you might have hysterics from shock or something, it can be quite common in social abuse-"

This set Bella off; she just couldn't keep it in, "Ha, ha, ha! Rose, Rose never..."

A wicked grin crossed Alice's face, "I'm sorry Mr Davis, you shouldn't have seen that. Rose does have some problems and Bella's problems do clash with them. One of Rose's is actually an eating disorder, we just sent her to make some tea for herself, would you like one?"

"Wait, you're offering me tea when..." he stopped in his disapproval when Alice's sickly sweet stare didn't stop, "I would love tea but you're telling me that your sister is abusing-"

Alice interrupted him, "Rose, bring out some biscuits too, I haven't seen you eat in weeks." If Bella was anywhere near finishing he hysterical laughing, now she started again,

"Yea, Rose, I can't remember ever seeing you eat!"

_An anorexic sister, a hysterical girlfriend who is abused by the sister, an overly violent brother, a very... charismatic brother and _adopted_ parents that haven't been around looking at the state of the house... no wondered Edward thinks he can read minds, it wouldn't surprise me if he could... _I buried my head in a pillow subtly as I laughed trough Mr Davis' thoughts, then I accidental bit the pillow and covered Alice, Bella and Mr Davis in white feathers.

"Edward," Alice scolded, "That was 'Mom's favourite."

"Um, will Esme and Carlisle, your adopted parents, will they be home soon?"

This opportunity was too good to miss, "Mom, Dad? What, we're adopted?" whispered Alice putting on a wide-eyed shock-horror face, "Jasper!"

Jasper came running in, he gave even more realistic evils to Mr Davis and wrapped his arms (perhaps a little too... lovingly...) round Alice, "Please, Mr Davis, Alice and Edward didn't know yet."

I fixed my face to the correct emotions and Bella (still giggling and flushed bright red) came and hugged me, "Adopted," I mused, "I never would have guessed." Mr Davis' face was a classical mix of embarrassment and horror at what he had done, then Rose walked in with seven inch stilettos and a tiny dress on.

"I hope I didn't take too long, but my old sweats were hardly appropriate for company." Rose had actually been wearing skin tight jeans but Mr Davis hadn't noticed; _thank god, who wants a pervert for a teacher?_ Thought Alice lazily.

"Actually," Bella said, "I don't think I'm dressed quite appropriately, if you'll excuse me sir." She smiled flirtatiously at him, "Alice?"

They disappeared up the stairs and Rose bent over to put the tea and cookies on the table, leaning _right over_ poor Mr Davis of course.

"Tea?" she asked airily, _am I genius or what?_ Rose thought smugly. I nodded back subtly.

Rose started sipping the spiked tea slowly, it didn't make any difference what was in the human food, it was just as nasty tasting. _Remind me to sick this up before we get a repeat of Emmett on Friday night_ she thought. Rose was saving the actual biscuit eating for Bella's amusement.

"Rose, you're not going bulimic?" asked Alice disapprovingly as she and Bella walked back downstairs in dresses and shoes that matched Rose's. I noticed Bella clinging for dear life on the banisters as she manoeuvred the shoes.

"Excuse me, Rosalie, but I thought you were just anorexic... this could be very serious and perhaps I should..." started Mr Davis. His face was still a classic grimace, I wondered if he had detected exactly what Rose had added to the tea...

"Sir," interrupted Jasper distantly from the sofa where he was still sitting, waiting for Alice, "I don't think we want to get social involved, think what they might do to poor Alice. They might put her back in the asylum!"

Alice, who was about to curl back into Jasper's lap carried on across the room with a grimace, she hit the wall wildly, making another mark by the one Emmett made on Friday, "No, PLEASE, I don't think I could face it!"

_No surprise she was in a home. Strange little creature. And how did she know Rosalie was going to spit up her food? _Thought Mr Davis, _does she have precognitions?_

"Elementary my dear Watson." I grinned, it didn't look like we would be able to have him teaching us next year anyway, so why not have fun?

_Did he really just read my mind?_ He awed.

My phone started to buzz in my pocket, it was Emmett upstairs, I didn't bother answering but then Alice saw what he would do to my room if I didn't, "Hello?" I asked, ignoring Mr Davis' protests,

"Look here Edward, put that down, I think we need some serious talks."

Alice was still dancing around the room manically, she leaned over the back of his chair and whispered into his ear, "Last year Edward tried to commit suicide. I wouldn't annoy him. He's attempted murder too." _ALICE_ I thought, that was out of order. I carried out Emmett's instructions happily as Alice folded herself smugly into Jasper's lap.

"Incest!" I coughed.

"WHAT?" Jasper shouted, leaping up and hitting his head on the high celling.

"It's true," I said seriously, "they share a room, you can come see if you like."

"I don't think it would be very professional if I did, I think I should be off now." _hmm, that older boy's funny, _he thought, _it would be interesting to see their room... no, no, it wouldn't be professional. It's as if he's controlling my emotions... I really, really want...._

Rose was in with the plan she grabbed the already curious Mr Davis' hand and pulled him up stairs.

The first things his eyes flicked to in Alice's enormous room was the beauty salon sized bathroom and enormous walk in wardrobe, but then the French underwear and fluffy handcuffs Emmett had lovingly arranged took his focus.

"Alice, Jasper!" Emmett gasped walking in, "Is that mine?" he said pointing to a large leather whip.

Rose forgot the game, "No it's not! Alice, you stole my outfit..." she paused, in shock at herself, "I mean, it does look like yours Em."

_How would she know?_ Wondered Mr Davis.

"Mr Davis, I am very sorry for my brother and sister's appalling behaviour, let me make it up to you," Bella planted a big kiss on Mr Davis' surprised lips and wrapped her hand round his waste, _wow_ he thought, "come on, we'll have that talk you wanted."

Mr Davis couldn't take it any more and he ran out the house. He was right earlier, we could have caught him but we were all laughing too hard to get up.

We listened to his tyres turning off onto the free way, "I wonder when he'll spot the paint job!" Emmett laughed.

***

Mr Davis' POV

I ran out the house frantically. I spotted the pink lingerie that was painted on the car but I didn't care quite enough to go and demand it was removed. My mind was buzzing as I drove back to my sister's house. It was only when it was too late that I saw the wolf in the road...

***

An emergency service guy's POV

I hoped I didn't have to be the one to tell Carlisle that his children's future teacher was a teacher no more on the way (or maybe the way back) from his house. The circumstances of the incident were uncertain, it must have been some animal that he hit but it couldn't have been hurt, Mr Davis' Mercury was in a more sorry state though. Maybe it was one of the bears that had been spotted about last spring. He survived the crash but Mr Davis seemed to have lost his memory. I hoped Dr Cullen wouldn't take it personally, like if he were on holiday it wouldn't have happened... I had been strange circumstances though. Mr Davis had been discovered covered in pink feathers, with nasty garlic breath – as if the last thing he ate was garlic tea; and with strange pink blotched on the car. Still, someone's got to break it to the Cullens.

Sorry I changed the last bit. I didn't really want Mr Davis to die xxx


	12. hospital

**Chapter 12 - hospital**

Alice's POV

We were still laughing when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello, is that miss Cullen?" asked a familiar voice from the hospital. It must be one of Carlisle's colleges.

"I'm sorry Carlisle isn't in right now. Could I take a message?"

"No, It's quite alright. I was just calling to ask if you knew of a Mr Davis."

I decided to play it safe and I waved at the others to shut up, "I think he is a future lecturer from Dartmouth. What is is?"

"He lost his memory today in hospital. I wondered if you knew anything about the _strange_ circumstances."

"Oh," I grasped, I was so glad that the man at the hospital couldn't see my face, or the other's... "No, he called saying he was coming to see us, but I think he must have got lost."

"Well, will you break it to your father gently when he gets home, we don't want him feeling responsible or anything."

"Of course," I said, I was loosing it so I wrapped up the call, "Good bye." We burst out laughing even though we knew we should feel bad. Eventually Jasper found some restraint and made us all feel guilty.

"I guess-" Edward sighed, "-we should go and visit him in hospital."

"But I'm hungry," pouted Bella.

"Actually so am I," said Rose, we all gaped at her until she pointed to her pitch black eyes.

We all turned to Edward remembering it was still his day.

"OK, Rose and whoever can go for a quick hunt. Stay local and will you pick up some flowers on the way back. Get the card to say _Get well soon. Shame we never met, from the Cullens, Hales and Swan_." he said.

"No Alice! That makes me sound like an obnoxious bird!" Wailed Bella.

"Bella, I am excellent at writing, I will write a brilliant and inconspicuous card and Edward will not complain," I didn't even check forward to confirm the future, "We will all go hunting and Edward will get you lunch. When we get back I will help you cover up those bruises and we will find some more appropriate attire."

"Is it really that bad?" Bella asked touching the side of her face. I had been bleeding again despite Alice's tape and her eye was _very_ black now,

"Let's just say it helped scare Mr Davis away."

Jasper pulled us all back into a sombre mood and we hoped out the window to catch some late lunch.

***

Bella's POV

Once the others got back we assembled ourselves into an ordinary everyday form. I will admit Alice did a pretty good job with the make-up, you couldn't see the cut unless you knew it was there. Rose did remember to sick up the tea before she went hunting, thank god, or the sewage would have turned a pretty grim red with her hunt sicked up too.

We climbed into the Volvo. It was a bit of a squeeze with the bouquet Alice picked. Edward had been tempted to send her back and get a smaller one but Alice knew that the shop wouldn't take back a $50 bunch.

When we got to the hospital nobody turned heads at the large group of young adults mooching through the corridors. Eventually Edward stopped outside a room on the edge of A&E,

"This is it." he said dully and pushed the door open.

Emmett had to turn back out the room and take another calming breath to stop himself from laughing. As much as I pitied the old man in the hospital bed he was like a sight in a movie. Mr Davis' hair had been shaven messily off (not that he had much left anyway) his eyes were darting madly round the room, and his legs were tied up in plaster in the way they only ever did in movies.

I could tell instantly that he recognised us.

And the others could see the same. Alice put the flowers down and grabbed Jasper's hand, I did the same with Edwards and Rose pushed Emmett's bum back out the door frame. We ran down the corridor noisily.

"Stop them!" shouted Mr Davis.

Although one of the others could easily have picked me up ad we could have run out and home within seconds, Edward motioned for us all to stop at the end of the corridor where security was homing in. It was better to admit to nearly driving a man to insanity and subsequently killing him than admitting to having a vampire family.

"Excuse me," said one of the bulky security guards walking up to us, despite his size I didn't feel nearly as nervous as I should of, perhaps all this time with Emmett was really good for my ego, "I don't think the fellow in there was finished with you yet."

"We really need to go now" Edged Edward, "I think he probably just wanted to find out who the flowers were from. But we thought he was asleep, and I don't think he really knows who we are anyway."

"Yes, I think he does," said the other guard coming closer, "You're the Cullen kids aren't you?"

"Actually," said Rose sweetly, "We are, I'm Rose and this is Emmett, Alice, Edward and Jasper then this is Bella Swan, the chief police's daughter. We _really_ need to go now."

_Yes we really freaking do,_I thought to myself. Could we do any better job at embarrassing our parents.

"Well if you really need to go perhaps you could just wait over there for a while whilst we blow this mess over," the security guard said, rather taken aback and probably fearing for his job.

We obediently went and sat on the small plastic chairs at the end of the hall way. Hours past as the doctors tried to make sense of Mr Davis' account of the day. The others laughed at what they could hear but I could make out what they were saying from that distance so I just laughed at Emmett laughing instead.

"He said..." he laughed, "Ha ha! He thinks your a prostitute Bella! And you guys!" he slapped Alice and Rose's sides.

"Shut up." we all hissed together.

Then one of the doctors walked out of Mr Davis' room, "I'm very sorry to bother you, you are probably busy enjoying Dr Cullen's time off." actually_, _I thought, _we are,_ "But Mr Davis really wants to talk to you all."

"Well," said Jasper calmly, "How bad can it be?"

"I must warn you about some of the things he is saying," said the doctor severely, "You see he has lost almost all his memories but insists he remembers meeting you all. Myself and the hospital are sure he must have dreamed it all up," he probably gulped at the knowledge of our parent's being in charge of his job, "but I really think you should know about the things he might accuse you of."

One of the security guards stepped to the doctor's side. _Uh-oh_, I thought, _that bad._ I'm sure the others wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face if they hadn't heard it all before. As it is, I had a very hard time,

"We think," the doctor started, "he will accuse you of incest, we couldn't make out his specifications but you must know if it is between those of you who weren't ..." you could practically taste the awkwardness the air without Jasper's handy gift, "... previously related. I think he might also accuse you girls of... selling yourselves, although, Ladies, you must understand we cannot see where these accusations come from," _Oh but we can_, "Miss Hale, I think he says you have some severe eating disorders, but from a professional-"

"Oh, get on with it," said Emmett who was getting board, "My brother said we were in a hurry and we are."

"Sorry!" squeaked the doctor, the guard took one step towards Emmett, "He thinks you need to go to the army or something, far to... and he says your brother has murdered. Where he would get that from... And then he says you Miss Hale, were also trying to poison him. And Young Master Cullen he also thinks you have a personality disorder-"

I interrupted this time, "Whatever. Please, leave something for the old man to accuse us of."

The doctor nodded and led us into Mr Davis' room. The bed was empty and the window was open...


	13. hide and seek

**Chapter 13 – hide and seek**

Edward's POV

Mr Davis, it seemed had escaped. At first we all turned to Emmett to check he was still there; he wasn't even grinning, he was just whistling. If he weren't Emmett this would have been suspicious, but Emmett... is well, Emmett.

"I trust you don't know anything about this?" The doctor eventually stuttered.

"I'm really sure we don't," said Rose innocently. Sometimes there was benefits of having a sister with legs up to her shoulders.

"Well I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to wait for a little longer. We could find-"

Emmett was really board now, "Look dude, I'm _really_ board now. And I want to go home. So if you'll excuse me." he whizzed round and started to pace out the door but the guard grabbed his hands into what should have been a hugely painful manoeuvre. Emmett laughed.

"if you could come this way sir," said the security guard mechanically, "I'm afraid we will have to ask you to wait away from the general public where we can watch you for a while."

Again, the benefits of Rosalie were much appreciated, "Sir, I'm sure we could be more useful elsewhere, perhaps we could help you find Mr Davis?"

"Of course," replied the guard, somewhat stunned by Rosalie, as he turned away I heard his thoughts and felt just a little sorry, _crap, now I'll get to break the news to his sister about him disappearing. I think I'm already deaf from telling her about this crazy accident in the first place but what if she gets violent... she goes for a coffee and..._

We had all come to the conclusion that Carlisle would probably find out if we didn't start behaving, and soon. So we headed back down the corridor to search for Mr Davis.

Then Alice saw Emmett's plan to escape boredom.

So much for a great day with nothing going wrong, remind me to thank Alice properly later.

"I know," grinned Emmett, "seeing as the guards are paid for finding crazy patients, ans it's not really our job... let's play-"

"NO! Not truth or dare Em. I think, we are in enough trouble for one day!" screamed Bella, perhaps a little too loudly.

"No, don't worry little sister," Emmett grinned, "I just want to play a little hide and seek." he added childishly.

"Fine," Bella pouted.

"Remember it's Edward's day not yours." scolded Alice, knowing perfectly well Emmett wouldn't give me much choice in the matter anyway.

"Fine."

"Yay!" Emmett sang, "Jasper you can count and you can't look until you've counted to one hundred!"

"Whatever." Agreed Jasper, nonchalant.

He started to count slowly, by the time he got to three, Emmett had run off dragging Rosalie behind.

"So guys," said Jasper, done with counting, "where do we think this Davis guy could have got to?"

"I don't know..." said Alice slowly, "I can't really see..."

"What?" shouted Jasper, Edward and myself. People looked around at us.

"Shsh," Alice giggled, "we've already been enough trouble. And we're about to get more. Look over there."

We looked over to where Alice was pointing. At first I thought it _was _Mr Davis dressed as a woman, but then I realised it must be his twin sister. Sure enough she was hitting the security guard over the head with her handbag, I stopped myself from laughing when Alice saw the bruises he would get later.

The she spotted us,

"You vermin!" she shouted, "you stupid cows! You, you..."

"Please." Jasper said, sending a wave of calm over her, "it's not our fault. We're helping them look."

"Well," replied Mrs Davis, obviously struggling with her foreign emotions, "it's not my fault."

Stopping myself from laughing again I stared her in the eye and tried to _dazzle_ her out of the mood. Sure enough it worked and her thoughts became a mess. _Who is he? Did they say his dad was a doctor... they blimin' belong on TV... maybe... no, no... but isn't his dad away... I bet he's... he looks so._ I snapped her out of it before I got any more inappropriate thoughts from a 60-year-old. Then again, I'm 80 years older than Bella...

"What was I saying?" stuttered Mrs Davis, "Course it can't be your faults. Thank you for helping find my dear brother... wait... didn't the guard say there were six of you?" _uh-oh_, "If they aren't helping find my dear brother..." she stormed, "I'm going to hunt them down and..."

Once she had stormed down the hall, probably for more coffee, we all laughed again.

"I could help her," Alice smiled, her eyes went unfocused and she grimaced, "although why she would want to find them right now I really don't know. Remind me to order Carlisle a new desk." _ugh._

I decided to get back to the more pressing matter, "Alice, why can't you see Mr D?"

"Duh," she replied simply, "he's already where ever he is, and he hasn't made up his mind to do anything else. So I can't see."

"Great," Bella said stubbornly, "I guess we will have to play hide and seek."

"Aw, honey, you can go sit in the car and we'll find him," I said slipping my hand in hers.

"No way!" disagreed Alice, "Your guess is as good as mine finding the bloke." By now we had walked into the central courtyard and were sitting on a bench.

"Honey," Jasper pressed, "Can't you see anything Davis does? I mean, he must need to... sometimes..."

"Urinate." Alice helpfully inserted, "I don't... wait he already decided to." I saw Alice's vision and it was completely gross.

"Alice," Bella interrupted our cringing, Jasper was cringing too, just from our cringing, "You guys are supposed to have vampire senses, I know you're too busy using your extra ones... but even I can freaking _smell_ Mr Davis!"

We all spun round, and sure enough Mr D was lying (in his own...) in a flower bed.

Alice sighed, "We'll have to replace those flowers too."

Sensing that nobody else would do it, Jasper and I picked him up together so we wouldn't attract attention and we carried him back to his hospital bed. All the way Mr D muttered to us,  
"Huh, maybe you weren't such bad kids after all... maybe I was just dreaming... who were you kids?" By the time Alice had called the nurse he had persuaded himself that he had never met us in the first place. The security guards let us go without a struggle. He was glad to take his break and tend to his hand-bag wounds.

Mrs Davis was also too busy to notice us slip by, she was raging at a café attendant about her coffee being cold, I could see the steam from the other side of the room but I didn't dare say. It was only once we were back in the car we remembered Rose and Emmett.

"Alice," I moaned when she insisted on fetching them, "Can't they just run home?"

"Nope, Em would really trash your room then!" she said stubbornly.

"You know the security here still owe us..." said Bella in a wave of genius.

I paced over to the nearest guard and read him Carlisle's office number.

***

Rosalie's POV

Me and Em were very busy catching up for what we missed when he was ill. Suddenly the phone rang and I flew off him, smack into the wall.

Unthinkingly I picked it up, "Hello?"

"Goo evening, this is the security, I am right in thinking this is Dr Carlisle Cullen's office?"

"Erm..."

"Good, just to say that the security is on the way up, apparently there have been some intruders and-"

I left the phone hanging and I pulled my clothes back on as Emmett and I jumped out through the window.

We lunged into the Volvo and Edward speed back towards the house.

"Sorry guys." Emmett apologized, "You never came to find us and we got a bit bored..."

"It's OK," smiled Alice, "sounds like you had fun..."

Sorry, complete writer's block about half way through the chapter. I'm glad Stephanie Meyer never got it or we would never have got the wonder of Twilight! Hope you like it anyway and please review! xxxxxxxx


	14. time flies

Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed so far! If you haven't please do! 

And thank you to everyone who has added this story to their favourites or story alert. 

The second part of this chapter is inspired by a very funny scene this morning between two friends! :D

**Chapter 14 – Time flies when you're having fun**

Bella's POV

We all snuggled up on the sofa for the third movie night of the week. Edward was still sulking about not getting to have his _family_ day like Esme told him. But actually I think we had a pretty awesome day because despite spending the afternoon finding a way out of the mess we made in the morning... but the morning was just... freaking amazing!

The movie stopped for adverts and Jasper leaned over Alice to casually look me in the eye, "Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?" he sent happy, calm waves in my direction, "it wasn't the worst day was it Bells?"

"Fine Jasper. What is it?" I asked him, too tired for games.

"I was wondering if I might have tomorrow because-" Rose cut him off,

"Oh no you don't Jasper Whitlock Cullen! You boys have got all the days up until mine," she turned her perfect head in my direction and mouthed sorry, "I want a turn!"

Alice decided to air her opinions before I even got so much as a word in, "Hey, hey, hey Rosie! You're not the only chick round here who hasn't had her day yet; so hold up before you start calling it yours."

This time I shoved a word in the gap before things got violent, "Look guys, we'll pivk a name out the hat in a bit – Edward's movie isn't over yet."

"But..." Rose started.

"Shsh, Eddy's movie's not done yet!" laughed Emmett.

Rose straightened up on his lap instantly, "just because you've already had a day."

"Aw, quit bickering Rosalie," Jasper moaned, "You're giving me a head ache."

"Just because you know the hat won't pick you!" Alice inserted.

"What the hell?" asked Edward who had given up on the movie even though the ad break was over, "seriously Alice, what's the hat won't pick you supposed to mean?"

"Well," Alice explained smugly, as if her logic made perfect sense, "if your name gets picked out the hat then-"

"Oh, no," smiled Edward, _great, a full blown grammatical discussion_,"You said picked, that would imply someone else picked it. I think the hat would be the one that _picks_."

"What?" screamed Alice, who was unused to anyone disagreeing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys," said Jasper before the discussion could get too heated, "Chillax!"

"L.M.A.O.!" said Emmett slowly and loudly. His face was priceless, and then he started to howl, "_Jasper says chillax!_"

If vampires could blush, Jasper would have resembled an over-ripe tomato. I could feel his embarrassment but it didn't stop me having a fit with the others,

"Jasper said... chillax!"

"I'm sorry," Jasper said icily, trying to get himself out the whole, "What does 'L.M.A.O. Stand for anyway Emmett?"

Jasper's attempt didn't work, "Laughing my ass off!" we all chorused, Jasper grimace.

"How did you not know that?" Edward managed to get out between howls, "I always thought you were cool... but then you said..."

His next attempt to get us to move on did work though, "So who's day is it tomorrow."

Alice and Rose applied business faces and the rest of us picked ourselves up of the floor too.

"Actually Bella," Alice said suspiciously, "You tricked Em and I don't think you were very fair." _what?_ "But you didn't fool me." _huh?_ "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thurs-" she counted on her fingers, trying to demonstrate whatever she was accusing me of tricking Emmett.

"OK, OK, what? We all know the days of the week." I said, annoyed. Emmett scrunched up his face, probably trying to remember the days of the week.

"Even if you got both days," Alice continued, "before and after Esme and Carlisle get back, that still leaves us with Thursday."

Emmett gasped as if Alice had just accused me of murder.

I hadn't actually counted right, oops, _how did I pass trig?_ "I dunno Alice. Cleaning up I guess." We all looked round the room. It was awful, simultaneously we all seemed to take our minds off the horror that was Thursday and stared back to the TV.

Eventually there was another advert break.

"Really Bella," Alice said, "Who's is tomorrow?"

I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to get out of it, "Get that hat then Alice."

A few things happened in the same second: Jasper laughed; Rose screamed, _"You think it's funny don't you_?"; Alice had a vision and jumped away from Jasper, Rose jumped onto him.

_Oh, crap, why Bella, why?_ Rose and Jasper started leaping around the house, in (as Emmett later put it) 'a full scale bitch fight'. Edward picked me up so we could watch them leaping around the house.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to even ask!" shouted Rose as she threw Jasper up the stairs.

"I can't believe you nearly jumped onto my wife!" screeched Jasper back, throwing Emmett's toy gun collection at Rose.

"I can't believe you have that little faith in my sister – and then try and take a day that could he hers!" she tripped him up with her skinny leg and swung back through the door way.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to even call her your sister when you treat you brother so badly!" he chased her through and pushed her back through the office door.

"I can't believe you're older than me!" Rose took some books of the shelf and hit them over his head.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to ask after how you treat Bella!" Jasper raged tipping her off Carlisle's office chair and making Rose fly into the corridor again.

"Oh, that's cold! I can't believe you have the nerve to do _this_ after your chillax incident!" Laughed Rose humourlessly as she tipped the contents of the bathroom cabinet onto Jasper.

Jasper laughed back evilly. Rose fell, mid air where she landed half in the loo. Jasper had sent relaxing waves over us all.

Obviously everyone else had noticed too, "No," Edward said, "he sent _chillax_ waves over us!"

Forgetting the fight, and the ruined house, we all burst out laughing again and slowly floated back down to watch the end of the movie.

"Guys," I asked cautiously, "Would it offend any of you if I really did just pick names out the hat for the rest of the week?"

Jasper, Rose and Alice, nodded in unison, "Actually Bella I could just save you the trouble and tell you who gets tomorrow."

Rose growled even though she knew Edward would check Alice was telling the truth.

"OK, OK, Alice get me a hat and some paper." I gulped.

The others gathered even closer as I drew the names, "OK guys. Tomorrow is... Rose's!"

Alice and Jasper sighed together and I reached for another name out of the hat. Emmett had it balanced upside-down on his head and bent down for me, "Tuesday is... Jasper's!"

Alice pouted and Jasper grinned.

"So Alice, I guess Wednesday is yours!" I congratulated them.

We all looked back to the TV, and the credits of the movie were blaring across the screen.

"Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?" asked Jasper.


	15. today?

Sorry I'm not sure what you'll think of this chapter, I needed to put something in

but the inspiration took a while coming. Thanks everyone for everything! xxx

**Chapter 15 – today?**

Jasper's POV

_So it's Rose's day huh?_ I thought sullenly. It was nice weather so at least she couldn't make us go _out_ anywhere, then again, Alice had said it would get cloudy by... uh-oh, not very long. I was lying on a lounger by the pool reading a book. Back in the house I could hear Bella just waking up, so the day would have to start soon. I walked back towards the house, leaving my book and relying on Alice that it wouldn't rain, to see where the others had got too.

Alice was sitting on the couch talking to some shop somewhere, undoubtedly about her day. Emmett was playing football on the x-box and Edward was walking downstairs with Bella to get some breakfast. _God, she did smell good in the mornings_. I laughed to myself as I remembered one of the first things Alice ever said to me, _"Humans are friends not food." _Ugh, but whatever Bella was wearing today she had worn with that dog friend and it smelt gross. Edward grimaced in agreement although he would never say it that seriously to Bella.

Rose was nowhere to be seen. Then I could hear her leaping over the river. Funny, I hadn't heard her saying she was going hunting. When she got into the house I noticed her eyes looked exactly the same as they did a few hours ago. So she didn't hunt... a-ha! Coming off her were strong waves of excitement.

"Fess up Rosalie," I said, "What torture have you got planned for us?"

She grinned widely and tapped her nose, "You won't find out until everyone is ready."

_Everyone_ groaned, "Aw, come on babe, tell us?" Emmett pleaded.

"Rose, but what if I need to get changed?" Alice asked seriously.

"I said 'all of us', you might be ready already but..." Rosalie stuck her tongue out, "but not _everyone_ is ready."

Bella seemed to get the hint and put the last bite of omelet into her mouth, "OK Rose, I'm ready now. Spill, what have you got planned?"

"Well," Rosalie said thoughtfully, she was slightly nervous about what she was going to say, "Alice I borrowed some of your clothes."

"WHAT?" Alice screamed, she looked half ready to pounce on Rosalie and half ready to go and check on her depleted supplies of clothing, "I didn't bother checking what you had planned because I _thought_ I could trust you Rose!" She dropped down dramatically to the sofa and buried her head into the cushions, "And you took my favourite..."

I leapt down to comfort my pained wife and I glared at Rose. No sooner than I had put my hand on Alice's back she leaped up again,

"Oh, what a good plan Rose. Thank you!" Alice said running across the room and wrapping her arms appreciatively around Rosalie's waist. Edward sighed,

"Rose, you can count me out. I doubt Emmett will want to do it either. So I'll keep him company," he moaned.

"Come on Edward." Alice said encouragingly, "We went along with your day."

"No, I really don't thin you did. I didn't really get to do what I wanted yesterday." Edward corrected.

"We watched your film." Alice disagreed.

"No, I really don't think you did." Edward corrected again, "I don't think you could tell me what happened in any of it."

"Erm..." Nobody knew.

Edward wasn't going to budge so Bella stepped in, "Edward, you've got to go with Rose's plans or I'll let Alice do whatever she wants to you," she paused, and Edward nodded, "if she wasn't already planning that already..."

"For those of us that can't read minds and predict the future, what are we doing today Rose?" I asked patiently.

"We are going to have fashion shoot!" squealed Alice and Rosalie together.

Bella nearly fainted. She sat down on the nearest available surface, which just so happened to be Esme's antique counter, but the house was already such a dump no one bothered to get her off,

"Rose, the idea of a day each was so we could all have fun. Not so you could torture us." Edward pointed out, taking a guess at what Bella was thinking.

Rose didn't say anything. Eventually Bella came round.

"Edward stop being so stroppy. It's Rose's day and we do what she wants. But please, promise me you won't make me wear anything over five inches."

We laughed at Bella's klutzieness. Bella was practically an angle, she just did stuff for other people; she was worse than Esme.

"It's OK. Rose has actually picked you out some very nice flats." Alice confirmed. Emmett worked out they were talking about shoes and laughed in a loud Emmett-y way.

"Right, come on guys." Rosalie said enthusiastically, "We don't have all day." _great. More torture._

***

Edward's POV

Bella was still annoyed with me for being _reluctant_ to join in with Rose and Alice's silly games so she jumped onto Emmett's back to run to where ever Rose and Alice had planned their fun. If I didn't know any better, by the stuff Rose was planning, it was like she was planning it to torture me. It seemed all the Cullens had been having a great week apart from me.

It had to be said that Rose had picked a beautiful spot, on a cliff, about 40 miles from the house. Actually I didn't know we had a beach location that near by, I thought we were cut off by the boarder, but apparently not; I wasn't going to admit that I'd been wrong about something. When I say Rose had picked a nice spot, I really mean _had_. After picking it out, she draped it in fabrics to make dressing rooms and placed rails of clothes.

"Cheer up Edward. You can be the photographer first!" Alice cooed as the rest of them fussed over the props and vintage miss matches Rose had picked out.

I sighed and went to find a camera.

"Edward!" Rose snapped behind me, "You're not just doing my camera work. Go get changed." She directed me in the direction of the largest changing room. There was a rail in the middle labelled 'Edward' and the room it's self was made in-between five trees with deep blue silks and red velvets. Esme would kill Rose if she knew what her favourite sheets were doing today. I wondered into Rose's head, trying to figure out why she was doing this. It took her a while to think of it for me in-between all the _I'm sure that shouldn't go there_ and _where the hell has Jasper's shoes got to? 's. _ I had to change my eyes as I looked because I was concentrating so hard, I thought I noticed some flashes, like the large and expensive cameras Rose had wired up on all the trees, but then they could just be the light catching the CD's Rose had hung in another tree.

Once I was changed I realised they had been cameras, "ROSALIE LILIAN HALE-CULLEN!" I shouted, pronouncing each syllable of her name clearly. Bella rushed up to me to stop me from pouncing. I tried to push her away so she didn't get hurt but she was quite assistant so I couldn't move towards my dying sister.

"What did she do Edward love?" Bella asked quietly, even though the rest of the family would be able to hear anyway.

"She's taken naked photographs of me." I hissed, then added more loudly, "Did you hear that EMMETT, your WIFE is taking naked pictures of another man?"

Emmett stumbled out of another tree half dressed, "What, no, I really don't think so, Rose has defiantly been in here with me..."

"Ew, enough already." I muttered, disgusted.

"I'm sure Rose wouldn't do something like that," Bella reassured me, "Do you know why Rose is even doing this today?" even though I already sort-of knew I thought it would be interesting to see what she told everyone else, some how, her motives were pretty clean, "Well, Rose wanted to do this because she just has one of those inching feelings that Esme will want to know what we've done this week, and we can hardly tell her Emmett _revealed_ himself to the whole of Seattle, we blew down half of her favourite trees and nearly each other and we nearly killed a Dartmouth lecturer; As Alice pointed out: there will definitely be more that we can't tell her. Rose has organised a week of photos in a day!"

Bella, despite hating to be pictured, not to mention babied, thought this was a great idea. I heard Alice coming back into the main clearing, _Aw quit sulking Edward, it's really getting boring. If you really want to know Rose did take some _indecent_ pictures but can you complain? The rest of today will zero on the fun scale for most you guys._ Before Alice could distract herself I saw the beginnings of some more pranks forming... and some of them were pretty good, but others were pretty painful... _but if you don't want rap at your wedding I would keep your mouth shut_.

Today would be...


	16. secrets

OK, so this is a slightly deeper darker chapter than the rest. Please review and tell me what you think!

Remember Stephanie Meyer owns it ALL! Apart from my little story :D Thanks xxx

**Chapter 16 – secrets**

Alice's POV

...Today would be the best. Apart from mine of course. But it was a very good idea of Rose's and if she had and gone with a spur-of-the-moment day trip to Paris we would have been caught in the sun... and the day probably would have ended up in a lot more sun, _Italy_. Still, we would have to show Esme something to say we didn't spend the week fighting of Italy, and it would be hard talking Bella into a photo shoot on Thursday.

I don't think Esme would have expected anything much from the week, _"Oh!" Esme smiled, "Looks like you've been very busy this week. I'm proud of you, you kept your fun so secretive!"_ I had checked this vision each day of the week. For some reason Esme was always looking at something, but I couldn't quite tell what, and for some reason this vision had always stayed the same, even after Rose's plan for today.

Once Edward had stopped fuming Rose read her schedule of a clip-board, "OK Cullens. Here's the plan, I've collected some mismatch sizes and colours and added some labels for our own mini mall-"

"Why can't we just go to the mall?" Asked Bella. This was the first time I'd ever seen her so keen to go.

"Bella, don't be silly, you're not supposed to have photo shoots in shops." I shushed.

Rose carried on, "-I've sorted some lower quality cameras, only 3megapixles or so," Bella gasped lowly, this quality probably didn't seem so low to her but Rose was only used to the best with a family like me, Bella would get used to it too, "So Esme will probably take them as phone pictures or something but we want to get them good so... but anyway, boys, you won't be in the pictures, so you can photograph. But once we're done, we're clearing out our replica garage-"

"Rose, seriously, why don't we just use the garage?" Bella asked, fairly sensibly. Bella coped well with Rose's... well, Rose-ness, Bella was looking down at her rings. One was a family heirloom and you hardly ever saw her without it on her finger or on the chain round her neck. Then there was her engagement ring, I must compliment Edward on it, even if it was a heirloom too.

Rose sniffed as if she hadn't heard the question, but eventually she answered anyway, "Bella, we want the right junk don't we. Or Esme would question why we were photographing. So like I said, I set up a garage wall and boys you have some work to do..."

I gave her the thumbs up, all should go perfectly to plan, ish.

"So if no one has any other problems with that we will be photographing them in about 6megapixle black and white, we'll be imitating Carlisle's old cameras. The final thing we'll be shooting in full colour is a a trip to the beach!"

A shocked look of realisation crossed Edward's face. He must of thought Rose just picked the cliff side location. _Edward, you really can be surprisingly dim for a grandpa with a perfect memory._ He rolled his eyes dramatically.

"And so," concluded Rose, "That's why we don't have all day Jasper, because you need to get a barbecue on in time for lunch."

So that was that. Due to my scrutinizing of everyone's actions, down to each time Bella scathed her nose and Emmett winked at Rose (which is a lot) everything about our fake shopping morning went perfectly. Jasper helped us mock pictures of us that we took in the fitting rooms; Bella blushed accordingly when Emmett snapped her picking up a really gross top and Edward played along to get some really great head-to-toe shots of the best outfits. Then we had a real task ahead of us, the boys.

Naturally the boys wouldn't be able to get through three pictures without laughing, and Emmett might not even be able to get through two at a time without having a fit. Still, if we were going to make this realistic enough for Esme we would need to have plenty of Emmett being stupid.

Rose checked her fake garage one more time whilst I checked the boys. Edward: messed hair, looked pretty much like he did usually, Emmett's old shirt, prepared to get mucky. Next in line was Emmett: no shirt, (darn Rose being in charge, Jasper had to wear a shirt) and huge grin and finally there was Jasper. Despite 50 years I stilled sighed in satisfaction at his perfect beauty. No description of his worn jumper and fitted trousers needed. _Perfect._

Rose arranged the boys to start the shoot and I watched the buckets of paint that were balanced on the top of the scene out the corner of my eye. Bella was really getting into the photographer thing, she was taking a lot of Edward though, I might have to remind her these were family photos. Watching the paint buckets I suddenly renumbered something Edward might do now he'd found out that it was Jasper's idea to take the pictures... and what he was planning on doing to them...

"STOP!" I screamed. Edward's kick missed the pile of boxes with the paint on top by fractions of an inch but knocked down the rest of the fake garage and they landed, burying Bella in junk.

"Now look what you've done," I told him, _your lucky I'm not playing rap already_.

I dug Bella out of the rubble, Rose didn't look amused.

"Seriously Edward you can be more immature than Emmett." She snapped, "We'll never be able to get the stuff back in order, we'll just have to take more at the beach."

We applauded all round, even Bella looked happy as she stared down with admiring eyes to the beautiful, hidden beach.

So the Cullens ran back to Rose's master dressing-room creation to get into some beach ware.

Bella's POV

Once I had put on some shorts and T-shirt picked out by my big sisters that were hardly appropriate for the cool day I noticed my Grandma's ring had slipped off my little finger. If I'd know what I was doing today I would have worn it on my necklace but I left it at Charlie's. I came out my changing booth breathing heavily.

Edward walked over so he could carry me down the rocky cliff to the stunning, secluded beach. I shook my head, instantly Edward's face misted over with sadness, he must have thought I was still angry, or not well...

"Edward, I think my ring fell off, you go down and help the others set up. I'll give you guys a call and someone can come and get me when I find it." He nodded and I gave him a quick kiss to prove I had forgiven him.

I watched the others descend the drop to the sand and headed back to the mess that was the pretend garage. I only had to hunt through a few piles of trinkets before I found my ring. It was very recognisable, and very very old. I didn't know how old it was, it had been my Grandmother's and who knows how many Grandmothers had had it before her. It had a large mythical creature in Moon Stone on a deep green oval.

Poking out of the corner of another box was a scrap of paper. I wondered what it could be, just that single piece of paper sitting there so I walked over and unfolded it.

_In every city there is a deep dark secret. Soon one secret will be told. Only you can stop it Cullen, come see me._

I gasped, not because of the menacing message, but because on the bottom of the scrap there was a crest in printed in blood red wax, and the crest was exactly the one on my ring. I took a step back a gasped. I walked straight into the remaining standing pile of boxes, a large tin of paint fell onto my head. Moments later Alice arrived.

"BELLA! BEALLA" She shouted, "Bella, are you OK? I saw the paint but I was too late, I'm sorry, you can go back and have a shower..."

"No I'm OK, I can wash it in the sea. But Alice look, what if our families had longer connections before us?" I shoved the letter under her nose, she didn't need to see my ring again to recognise the trait.

"Alice? What do you think?"

"I think we need to talk to the others." Alice said scooping me up into her arms.


	17. the ring

I love Emmett so incredibly much so this is all for him! (and you guys!)

Stephenie Meyer is the real genius here! Please review xxx

**Chapter 17 – The ring**

Rosalie's POV

My day was going pretty perfectly to be honest. Apart from the _explosive_ ending to the garage shoot. Esme was sure to believe us, and then she couldn't even get suspicious about what we really did. Suddenly Alice's eyes clouded over and she leaped back up to the cliff to where Bella was, she shouted as she ran. Edward was swimming with Jasper about a mile out so by the time they got to shore Alice was back carrying a slightly painty Bella and a letter. Emmett ran over to laugh at Bella from the sandcastle he was building. Sometimes even I wondered how old he really was.

"Ha ha ha! Bella, you got a itsy-tichy bit of muck there," he laughed pointing to his marble cheek.

"Aw give it a break Emmett." Jasper groaned, "Can't you see Alice and Bella have some thing to say. Tenseness. nervousness. Frustration. Do they mean anything?"

"Just because you have a girlie emotional problem." Emmett teased.

"Please, Emmett, shut up just this once," Alice pleaded for her husbands sake, his annoyance was so strange the rest of us were getting snappy, "Bella found something really important so just quit it OK?"

"I'll stand on your sandcastle," Bella added in a patronising tone.

Alice must have already told Edward whatever it was in his head because he ran over to Bella, probably to kiss her... but he picked up her hand and took her finger, not even her engagement ring, but her Grannies' and examined it and the scrap of paper they had carried.

I walked up to see what they were all so interested in, Jasper came too and Emmett stayed quietly near his sandcastle in case anyone came to stand on it, "What is it guys?" I asked quietly.

"Look," Bella said nervously, still folded in Alice's arms, "This letter, whose was it? Have you ever seen it? And, I think that's my ring that sealed it." she added so quietly if I didn't have enhanced senses I wouldn't have heard.

"I've never seen it before," I admitted. Jasper and the others nodded in agreement. Even Emmett tiptoed up behind us to have a look.

"Hey!" He said suddenly, we all turned to hear his discovery, "I've seen that seal before... Bella your ring..." We sighed, it was pointless to even hope he worked out anything new, " BELLA! Why were you sending Carlisle blackmail in 1927?" But then...

"Emmett?" Jasper said calmly putting his hands on Emmett's shoulders, "How do you know this is from 1927?"

"Erm..." Emmett said nervously, his face had scrunched up so cutely I just had to give him a wink... Jasper obviously felt that... he leaned in a little further to Emmett and planted a big kiss on his lips. It was over as quickly as my wink. Jasper leaped back, surprised.

"Damn Rosalie!" He shouted, "What was that for?"

Emmett just laughed, "What's with you and Alice this week, if you want a threesome you just had to ask." We all grimaced.

"Ugh. NO!" Jasper confirmed, "Moving on... Emmett, how did you know what the letter is from 1927?"

"Um... I don't know," Emmett replied, his face still scrunched up; although Jasper was now standing several metres away I refrained from giving my big teddy bear husband a wink, "It just smelt like it."

"What?" We all chorused.

"Well, it's like Jasper smells of 1843, Alice, and now me," He Emmett grinned again, "Rose, you smell a lot like me... and Bella smells yummy, like 1987 and..." Emmett trailed off sniffing like air. We all knew that Emmett didn't know the years we were all born, he certainly couldn't work them out.

"Emmett, you know you _weird_ smelling talent could have come in very handy in previous situations." Edward said, calmly fighting a laugh, "Still I can't believe.. out of all the things you can do-" he lost his calm façade "-you can smell!"

The rest of us laughed at Emmett's bewildered face, so I wrapped my arms round him encouragingly. He pouted, "Can't you all smell stuff. I used to like smelling your stuff Rose, cause all your stuff was old. And then you would tell me what they were and where you got them from."

It was true, when Emmett was a new born vampire he did have an obsession with smelling stuff but we presumed it was just him smelling all the different human scents.

Alice laughed in her sing-song way, nearly as beautiful as mine, "Well, special talent or not I'm impressed Emmett, you are a very good sniffer."

Emmett, as easily distracted as ever got exited, "Do you think they'd take me on in the police? I could be their police dog! Do you think they would let me use their guns?"

Rolling his eyes Edward decided to get us back on track to the more pressing matter, "So now we've discovered that this is some blackmail written to Carlisle in 1927 what do we do?"

"What do we do?" I repeated, not for any particular reason, it was the question on everyone's mind and I didn't need to repeat it for emphasis, maybe it was because my voice was so sexy... "What _do_ we do?" We could find out more about this, although whatever this was was was in the past and it was pretty pointless, we could leave it, but undoubtedly we would all wonder about it tonight...

"Holy Dior Rose!" Alice almost screamed at me, "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Cool it Alice, I was just thinking about the letter, I wasn't planning anything." I sighed, of course Alice could see things before we even decided to, like Edward falling for Bella, Jasper looking for her and them eventually finding us.

"Well, you'll be glad to know that you've decided we need to find out about this." _Why did I have such a stupid family_.

"Well I didn't decide so." I argued however pointless it was.

"Yes you did, you decided you're going to go look it up on line." _Damn Alice._

Emmett's POV

I had sort of been enjoying the attention on my special nose but the rest of them got bored and starting having some serious discussions about some letter from 1927 with some little picture of Bella's ring. It stank of Bella too, not quite Bella actually, a little nicer maybe it smelt like Alice too, but they'd been the ones that picked up the letter, but the letter still smelt nicer...

"EMMETT!" Edward shouted as we ran back up the drive to the house, "Why the hell didn't you say something!"

"What?" I asked, confused. I'd just thought that the letter smelt nice.

Edward didn't bother replying to _me_, he turned to the others and started talking to them. How lonesome it was to be an undiscovered genius... "Emmett's a genius!" _I am?_ "Bella and Alice are related!"

Alice was still holding Bella, sometimes I wondered....

"WHAT?" Gasped Alice, dropping Bella. Bella was still to shocked to say anything, she made a little 'oof' noise as she hit the floor though.

"What did you just say?" She stuttered.

I shrugged, the genius was going back into hermit mode, Edward, as usual ignored his superior big brother, "Emmett, smelt you and Alice on the paper; but not just that. He smelt _a you-and-Alice_. Quickly look it up!"

Rose sighed, she probably didn't want everyone to do what Edward said on her day (neither did I or things would probably be as boring as Edward's privet life) but Rose knew that this was the only sensible thing to do.

As everyone typed into Wickapedia and Google I noticed Rose plug in the cameras and print out a pile of the pictures we took (including the ones of Eddie. Good.) I didn't do much either, Bella was picking at a bag of crisps seeing as she never got her BBQ and I was flicking her crisps at Jasper's back.

Everyone was really quiet, it was kinda freaky. Sometimes I really wished I had Edward's annoying gift. Suddenly Alice jumped up from her chair and ran over to Bella, she hugged her tightly, I really did wonder...

"Alice... can't breath..." Bella choked.

"Sorry it's just you're my first cousin I ever touched." Alice squeezed.

"Alice, when Bella marries Edward doesn't that make her your sister?" I checked.

"No silly Emmett. Bella is my mother's sister's daughter's daughter's daughter! Making us cousins!"

"What?" Bella asked.

"Well, my mum, her maiden name was Higgins. That was Renee's maiden name too," Alice explained, Bella blushed to the colour of the crisp packet,

"Wait, guys," I interrupted, "Renee's maiden name was Higgins? Isn't that like some guy from a film?" I laughed, no one else did, "Guys this is hilarious!"

Alice carried on ignoring me, "My mother had one sister and a brother, I could never track them down and I thought I'd tried all the links but when you put the pieces of the puzzle like this... well, my mother's sister had one daughter, that's Renee's mum, then she had one daughter, that's Renee, and Renee _has_ one daughter... and Bella that's you!"

Bella and Alice looked at each other again and screamed, "Oh Alice, you're the first cousin I ever touched either!"

"Bella! I love you more than ever!" _I really did wonder..._

"Wait, Alice, does this mean that the ring is just as much yours as mine?"

"Course not silly, the ring is yours!" Alice replied, they still hadn't broken the hug. They really didn't seem interested in the note any more, but if there was a story to it _I _wanted to hear it,

"Edward...."


	18. TV and Channel

I don't know if thanking you guys for nice reviews and adding to you faves and stuff drives you crazy but... THANKS for everything guys! 

The Cullens are all Stephenie Meyer's, I just sent Carlisle and Esme away. Please keep reviewing :D!! xxx

**Chapter 18 – TV and Channel**

Edward's POV

Alice and Bella, I don't think I really would have ever guessed it. I suppose to someone who didn't know they might be cousins, they were both pale, soon their eyes would match, in some lights there hair was only a shade off each others. I sighed as they screamed at each other, sometimes a fairy tale ending is best. I wondered if this was a fairy tale ending though... _if there was a story to it, I wanted to hear it_, it took me a moment to realise it wasn't just me thinking that.

"Edward," Emmett said, probably trying to sound sweet but actually sounding as foolish as ever.

"What Em?" I asked, exasperated with life. Or death, or whatever it was.

"I want to know more." Emmett told me.

"Emmett, if I had an IQ as low as yours I would want to know more too." I replied smugly. Quite a good come back when his wife was intent on torturing me today.

Jasper neatly stuck his leg out to stop Emmett for curve stomping me, "Edward don't be stupid," Jasper said calming us down quickly, "Emmett wants to know about the letter, and why the great auntie was intent on bringing the Cullens down."

Of course I knew this. "Rose, do we have permission to find out more about the note?"

Rose nodded but replied me properly through her thoughts, _Edward, I don't know who this is, and I don't think any of us do. 1927 was the year we moved to Forks for the first time. We _moved _Edward. What if La Plush aren't the only people who believe in Vampires? I don't want a visit from the Volturi Edward. _

"Neither do I Rose," I answered aloud glancing over at the still rejoicing Bella.

Jasper started creating a game plan with Emmett and Rose watched them nervously whilst sorting the photos. I couldn't tell if the pictures of me were in the pile because she'd printed so many pictures.... wait... they were there. _Gr_. I would deal with them later. Rose will never know.

Alice stopped screaming, "Esme's written."

"Dare you to kiss the postie!" Emmett called as she flew out the door.

"Fine! But only because I didn't do that thing at the mall!"

_I wonder what that thing she didn't do at the mall was?_ Emmett thought curiously _maybe she'll do it next time..._ I laughed, "I really don't think she will Em."

All heads turned and watched up run up the drive to the mail box. We all listened, perching on the edges of our seats to see what Esme had said, Bella actually fell off hers so Emmett laughed so hard nobody could hear Alice talking to the mail man, vampire senses or not.

I picked up Bella and arranged her on my lap before Alice came bounding back up the drive. She carried a post card and a letter. The post card was in Esme's curly script. The letter was in a brown envelope, just addressed _Cullen_, it was probably for Carlisle. Alice read the post card to us, "_Love Esme. Tape the elephant report. National Geographic 1_."

Emmett actually started to cry tearlessly, "I was right! She is abandoning us! We're just TV recording slaves..."

"Oh shut-up!" Alice said, it must be said, at times she was so inconsiderate, "Guys, letter, L; Esme, E; Tape, T; The, T; Elephant, E; Report, R. _Hello? Secret message?_" Why hadn't I spotted that.

"What?" sobbed Emmett.

"L.E.T.T.E.R spells letter you big baby," Alice explained.

"Well why did she put Nation Geographic on it for then?" Persisted Emmett, _I should be the one working it out, I wanna be the police guy! _He thought.

"Come on Watson," I said sarcastically just to wind him up, "Post guy ain't stupid, Most programs are on a TV channel."

"OH! That reminds me," Said Alice, in a hurry all of a sudden, "Rose, Bella there's a Channel sale on this week and I want to get there before all the good stuff goes!"

"OK, we'll read the letter then we can make a move." Rose agreed.

We all leaned over Alice and read Esme's letter.

_If you're reading this well done, I wouldn't have put it past you to work it out. I couldn't fit everything I wanted to say onto the post card and I had to disguise the letter anyway as I finished my new blueprints. Will you be dears and pre order the slate. I should be able to get the rest of the materials pretty easily. Don't worry about what the post card actually says, although if the TV remote is still working feel free to record it. I'll watch it when I'm home. I miss you all so much but Carlisle and I are having a great time. The resort is lovely and I never knew I was so good at skiing. Please restore the house before I get back, I hope you have a lovely week, Esme xxx._

There were tears in her eyes, I hadn't realised the letter was quite so touching,

"What is it honey?" I asked softly.

"I've done a terrible job!" Bella cried, "Esme trusted me and she has no idea what havoc she'll come back to! I literally hate myself, I haven't done anything with you guys this week apart from get me in trouble, but you still get us out! I'm so sorry guys."

"OK Bella," Alice said quickly, "You're forgiven if-"

I cut her off with a hiss, "Bella, love, we don't hate you at all."

Bella knew this really, but Alice was insistent, "Bella, _please_ come to Channel with us. The boys can get Esme's slate and then you'll be forgiven."

Like I said, Bella knew we all loved her anyway (even Rose in her strange way) but she was deranged with her sweet tasting tears. "Anything Alice."

***

Emmett's POV

Alice dragged Rose and Bella off to the mall as soon as Edward let go of Bella and for the second time in the week us boys were left at home whilst the girls went shopping. Well technically we had a chore... I was tempted to made another little dent in the wall but I knew Jasper would make me clean it up this time.

"Come on guys," Edward said, he seemed very happy considering we had the chore and the girls got to go do whatever, "let's go!"

"Seriously Edward. I've never seen you so exited about a chore before." I sneered.

"Em, don't be stupid. We have a perfect chance to go find out about the letter."

_YES! Police chief detective Emmett McCarty Cullen is in business!... You didn't hear anything Edward..._ "I mean, um... can we take the Jeep?"

Jasper chucked me the keys which were still on the floor from Saturday, "Hurry up then. Or Rose won't be happy." _And I won't get anything for a week_ I added unhappily. Maybe we should just do the chore...


	19. The building yard

Tell me what you think, all will be soon revealed... xxx

**Chapter 19 – The building yard**

Edward's POV

Whilst the others weren't looking I picked up the pictures of me so I could dispose of them on the way, I also deleted the files whilst I turned off the rest of the computers, Emmett had been too busy finding a shirt and Jasper had brought the Jeep round.

As we drove out the area I happily let the pictures fly out the car into the wind.

"Eddie!" Emmett whined, "I hadn't even gotten a look!"

I nudged him in the arm playful and he shot death glares back at him. It was amusing just how worried he was that Rose would find out about us. He was thinking about what Rose wouldn't do with him...

"Ew, Em, please."

_Well don't look then._ Jasper sighed, put his foot down a little harder on the gas and turned the CD player on to max volume.

We eventually arrived at the building yard.

"Edward shall I go or can I trust you two to stay in the car and not ruin by the time I get back?" _hmm_ "...let's all go. Concluded Jasper.

The building yard was like a little Aladdin's cave. Under the main shelter of the warehouse was the more precious items, the timber supports that hadn't been primed, the instillation and the tools but also, tucked into every nook and cranny of the grounds were items that the Brown family, who had owned the business for many years through the family, had collected.

We pulled the Jeep over in the middle of the yard and the three of us walked confidant up to the house. We'd all been here before on various favours for Esme and we knew that if it was the daughter serving we should have no problem getting a large discount.

"Hello?" I called through the open front door in my softest voice, "Is anybody in."

As if by magic the owner's daughter appeared in front of us looking flustered and pink. _They are so... No, no Alex, you're called for._ She thought hastily, _oh but what the hell..._

"Sorry, how can I help you?" She asked haughtily, even Emmett could see the double meaning.

"Alex isn't it?" _Oh!_ _He remembers my name! _Alex was shameful, "We came here to get some stuff for our mum. She's planning a renovation and thought we might need to get some..." I trailed off letting the shop assistant guess what we wanted in a hilarious attempt to flirt with us.

"A renovation huh? Sounds cool, so what sort of things does she need to restore?" _Oh my gosh, _she thought, _I hope I'm not babbling, the big hot one looks really amused though, but the movie one looks bored..._ "So, what is it today, timbers? Window fittings? No? Um... roofing supplies?"

I saw Emmett take a quick and nervous glance at the clock, "Yes, sorry my brothers are having blonde moments, we'll be needing slate. And lots of it." He turned round to go, I stifled a laugh, he obviously hadn't done many chores for Esme before.

"Sorry, I'm not an expert on the lots unit." Once Emmett worked out what a unit was he laughed at her lame attempt of humour.

"He was blonde when he was little too." Cut in Jasper, "I think he means we'll be needing 429kgs in Dove Grey Welsh Premium State?"

"Certainly. We'll have that in a couple of months. In the mean time are you sure there's nothing else I could get you, we'll make contact when we get the bill," she pretended like she'd only suddenly remembered our name, "You are the Cullen boys aren't you?"

"We'll be off then." Emmett said dragging us out the door.

"If your sure there's nothing else I could get you?" Alex shouted out the door as we got to the Jeep. I dug my heel into the ground as turned round to her,

"Actually I think there is." she began hyperventilating, _OMG, what have you done Alex, you little slut? You now have these hot guys and...._

"I mean, actually can we have a look round your collections?"

_Come on man. _Emmett thought impatiently, _Rose won't be giving me anything for years at this rate, and she'll probably cripple you so you _never_ get anything_.

I ignored him and followed Alex into the barn, Jasper followed too and Emmett gave up with a sigh, probably afraid that Alex would turn around and drool on him.

"Call if you need any help," Alex told us, "Most stuff isn't too valuable so there isn't much cost." _for you,_ she added mentally.

Alex left us in the building and Emmett and Jasper look bewildered as I started to file through all the trinkets in great piles and heaps. After five minuets of my searching and their standing like lemons I explained, "Look guys, Bella's ring, one side of the Oval is flat, and the seal on the paper is flat on the other side."

Jasper worked it out instantly, Emmett graced us all with his commentary of his discoveries, "So if the ring and the seal are different, but they are both definitely relations of Bella and Alice's that must mean, there are two rings, which would mean. That both sisters had one! Jasper! Edward! Bella's great granny and Alice's mum were twins, they had two halves of a ring."

"Yes Em." I wondered if he was blonde when he was little. Maybe he was just dropped.

"But Edward, why did you bother coming here? It's not going to solve the black mail note is it?" Jasper asked cautiously, wondering if he had been stupid to ever get involved with it all.

"Gut instinct." I said merrily, "And if not, we'll get Carlisle to tell us." I highly doubted Carlisle would ever tell us what this was about, but then my gut was telling me that we would work it out for ourselves.

Jasper wearily started sifting through the rubbish but Emmett was convinced by my insides. _Now, _he thought, _if only I could remember that Alice-Bella smell..._ Then Emmett did it. He climbed right to the top of of a junk pile, leaving a trail of destruction in his path and picked up a small faded envelope. He slipped it under his T-Shirt and whispered quietly, "Come on lads."

We ran out and into the Jeep. Alex saw us fleeing, her face was priceless but she waved in a friendly way besides. She wasn't so bad. After all, she might just have given us the key to today's mystery...


	20. Good night

So here's chapter 20...! Hope you like. Thanks for everything kind on the previous chapters.

Please remember I'm actually English so if I get any American stuff wrong PLEASE let me know!

Please review because I scream every time I get a one! I'm surprised my brother and best friend haven't killed me yet because I have to read them all! xxx

**Chapter 20 – Good night**

Alice's POV

I thought it was more than a little suspicious that the boys were all 'just' sitting in the car when we got home, I'd been to the building yard before for Esme and it didn't take that long. Still, I saw the future not the past, and right now I could see that the boys had just worked out something very important.

We gathered round the sitting room and Emmett started to open the envelope they had bought back.

"Hold on a sec," Rose said grabbing it, "It's my day so I'll read it."

"And," Jasper added randomly, "It's Rose's day so we should take bets on what it will say."

We all groaned, I didn't think to just save ourselves all the trouble and look forward to what the letter would say.

"Jasper," I whispered, "Later, anything, promise. I think if you value your life you will just let Rose read the damn envelope."

Jasper pouted and sat down. Edward coughed, "Rose, he does have a point. What if there's something bad in that envelope?"

Rose snapped her head round sharply, "Edward if you could learn to have the manners to listen you would have realised this is from 1927. The past. Alice can you see anything happening?"

I shook my head.

Rose continued to open the envelope.

A ring fell out. I reached down to pick it up. With out breathing I went to compare it to Bella's. I smiled, they were two halves of one crest. The mirror of each other, this one was like the one on the letter...

"Told you," muttered Emmett.

"You weren't the one who worked it out," Edward and Jasper hissed back in unison.

Rose took a deep breath, not waiting for the ladies in context to speak, "_Cullen. I know your secret and I thought I should do something. I'm sorry I did something, I shouldn't have, I realise all my efforts were wrong and only turned you further; you have Esme and she is perfect. Please, my ring, remember me. Susana._"

I gasped, could it be... "Bella," I said slowly, "That's my mum."

Emmett, not sensing the atmosphere started to laugh loudly, "Ha ha ha! Alice's mum had a crush on Carlisle!" … When you put it that way it was quite funny. One by one the others started to laugh... I joined in,

"Gosh! And they put me in the mental asylum!" _Edward, _I added quickly, _no matter what I do to you on Thursday you may not tell Carlisle that._

Rose stopped laughing suddenly and the surprise shut us all up, "My day! My day! It's ten!"

Bella yawned, "Yes, night then guys." She turned to go up the stairs.

Rose stopped Bella by sticking out her long pale arm, "Not so fast red-face," Bella cringed, "WE haven't watched my movie yet!" Before Bella could object Rose pulled the DVD box out from behind her back and Bella's face lit up.

"Great! Can I do some more pop-corn?" Bella smiled.

"NO!" we all shouted looking at Emmett's face change from exited to disappointed. I can't believe he really would have eaten it again.

"You can have sweets." Rose compromised sweetly, then added sternly "Emmett, you can put the DVD on."

"You know Rose," Edward schemed, looking at the box nervously, "I really don't think I've been hunting lately, and I'm sure Jasper would like another trip before... erm... his day tomorrow, so we could take Emmett and leave you ladies to the film..."

I took one look at all the complaints he would make throughout the film and made a subtle nod in Rose's direction.

She sighed, "Girls night it is. Make sure your back soon though!" Rose cautioned, probably thinking about the rest of the night with Emmett.

The boys left into the warn night out the back doors and I noticed a book Jasper had been reading that morning._ It's his fault if it's ruined in the rain_ I thought smugly. Then I thought of my beautiful husband's face and ran out to collect it.

Then I snuggled up with my sisters to watch the film. It was nearly over and the boys would be back soon when Bella fell asleep crammed in between Rose and I. I lifted her upstairs to Edward's room carefully, leaving Rose to watch the end of the film by herself. Titanic was so sad, it really hurt when you had no tears in a movie like that; it seemed so wrong not to cry.

I tucked Bella gently into bed but her eyes flickered open just as I left the room.

"Alice?" she asked, "What's Jasper got planned?"

"I don't really know sweetie," I answered honestly, "Goodnight, Edward will be back soon."

I left to go downstairs, "And one last thing Alice."

"What?"

"Your the best cousin-sister a girl could ever ask for. Good night." She said softly, the words came out like mush she was so tired.

I smiled and danced back to Rose to watch. Even if it was physically impossible for me to cry, I wouldn't have been able to anyway because I was just so happy.


	21. Tuesday

Sorry it's been so long! Exams are just starting to dawn... :(... But please review, I heart constructive criticism! The Cullens are Stephanie Meyers'. I just gave them a holiday. xxx

**Chapter 21 - Tuesday**

Jasper's POV

I didn't really have plans for my day, for a while I considered more dares... I hadn't completely ruled it out when and idea struck me.

"Alice." I asked as Alice cracked eggs into a pan, she could see Bella waking up in five minutes, "What have I planned for today?" I should have thought of just asking Alice before.

"Hm," Alice said, letting her eyes glaze over and staring out through the window, "Jasper," she scolded all of a sudden, "you can't not have planned anything!" She wagged her finger at me discouragingly, I noticed she was wearing the ring, it was a perfect fit.

I shrugged, "I was really hoping you could just tell me." She laughed and balanced on the edge of the chair to kiss me,

"You know Jasper, for someone so old, you really are quite silly. Of course I can see the day, and it will be lovely, weather you've planned it or not." She was just so perfect. She broke my gaze by darting back round the kitchen to gather Bella's breakfast and then she leaped out the door to take it up to her in Edward's room.

I slumped onto the sofa in the sitting room and Emmett walked in staring at me,

"What's up big bro?" He shouted in my general direction. I don't know how Rosalie copes.

"Emmett, I have no idea what to do today." I answered honestly, switching on the TV, _darn, we forgot to record Esme's TV show._

Edward came down the stairs, "I didn't" he said smugly, "And good morning guys."

"Jazz please don't spaz," _Oh great, Emmett wasn't going to do his annoying rhyme thing again_, Edward nodded, "Today we will have fun... just like we always have done!"

Alice hopped down at that instant, "Ugh, Em, you're not doing that stupid rhyme thing again are you? I thought I might have to kill you last time."

"Alice, please don't get too rough.... did you know your husband hasn't planned enough?"

"Yes and please please stop it Em. Bella will be down in a minuet with Rose and I'll ask Rose to _punish _you if you don't."

"No way Alice.... I just can't take the malice." Emmett rhymed randomly.

"Do you even know what malice means?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"No my big brother, please explain before I rhyme another."

I ignored him and thought back to my plans for the day. Perhaps killing Emmett would be one.

"Really Jasper, don't you have any idea of what we should do today?" Edward asked, I wondered why he couldn't he the sincerity in my thoughts. He shrugged.

"I don't know," Rose and Bella came down the stairs and I nodded to them both, then Emmett, I hoped they would get the message not to...

"Hey Em! What you watching?" Bella smiled flinging herself across the room (probably a safety hazard) and landing next to him.

"I am watching sports on sky TV, will you come watch with me?"

Bella got up from the couch so quickly if I weren't vampire I would have missed the action, "What the hell is Emmett doing?" she hissed at me, "did someone feed him poems last night?"

I laughed and shook my head, "Every ten years or so Emmett feels the need to rhyme for a day. I remember the last day all too well. We had been planning a trip to London because Alice had seen a week with absolutely no sun at all – but in the end we sent Emmett alone just to get away from his stupid rhymes.

"Rhyming is a gift to man, just like a stupid wolf gift of Sam's." I wondered if Emmett would fall for the same thing a second time round. Then, my earlier plan hit me.

"Let's play truth or dare again!"

Emmett shuddered, "I do not advise this idea, of the last game I still have a fear."

"Em, it will be fun." Everyone seemed to be on the same wavelength as me, "I already have the perfect dare for you."

Emmett couldn't resist.

"Let's start! I'll take first part." He added remembering his stupid rhyme.

"OK Emmett I dare you to stop rhyming." I told him simply.

"WHAT?" Emmett shouted.

"Emmett, Cullens don't chicken." Bella reminded.

"Fine, but you asked for it Jasper. I dare you to..."

"Wait, wait, wait," I told him, "Today's my day and I don't want to play any more so-"

Why we ever told Bella the Cullen rule I don't know. She cut me off, "Cullens don't chicken Jasper."

Edward who hadn't had a dare either in the whole week added conventionally, "But if Jasper really wants this can be the last turn."

I gave in and nodded, hoping I could blank out this morning.

Emmett's POV

Well crap, I didn't see that one coming. I would happily swim that race again but now I wasn't aloud to rhyme. _Life sucks. _Still, at least I could get Jasper good now.

And then I had the idea of how to do it...

"Run Jasper run!" Alice screamed, "Don't matter where just run baby! I'll catch up!"

Jasper was about to turn but I chipped in before he could go, "Jasper, I dare you to," and that was it, he couldn't go, he couldn't chicken, "I dare you to spend the rest of the day as a woman!"

Jasper's POV

"WHAT?" _damn Emmett, damn him to the deepest realms of hell_, "Today's my day and I don't want to do that!"

"Come on Jasper," said Rose, "I bet you'll look really sexy in my new stilettos!"

"WHAT? I said NO!" I said again. I turned to my wife for support but she was doing her very best, and really not succeeding in so, at hiding her enthusiasm and excitement,

"A dare's a dare honey," Alice cooed softly.

Emmett burst out laughing. _He won't be laughing when I'm finished with him. Even if I do have to do it with a handbag._

"Alice, you're going to be lesbian for the day!"

Alice recovered quickly, "Em, lesbian is when a woman loves another woman, I still love a man, even if he is a transvestite."

This only made him laugh harder and so eventually he left the room.

"Come on girls!" Rose eventually sung, "We've got work to do!"

_This will be painful._


	22. Jasmine

Sorry it's taken so long! Complete writer's block and lots of exams at the moment!

Please review so I can make it better! I have had many many many many(...) thousand hits but please review because then I will love you ever more!!

All the characters and places and stuff is Stephenie Meyer's... apart from Jasmine!! xox

**Chapter 22 - Jasmine**

Bella's POV

We all stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting in anticipation. Emmett was playing _I'm too sexy for my shirt_ on repeat with _Here come the girls_ and _I'm a barbie girl_. Poor Jasper, I could feel his utter shame, and deathly hatred.

Alice flitted down with a huge grin, "He's just coming. He's never worn shoes like that before."

Turning back to the huge curving staircase even I could hear Jasper's deep, steadying breath from the top. _Click. Click. _I could hear the heels. Jasper came and Emmett turned the CD up a notch...

"OMG OMG OMG" Rose repeated. The rest of us were laughing, too hard to even manage that.

Alice never half did things. Jasper had a full make-up job - smoky eyes and startling red lips. Alice had straightened his hair and it actually came down in short waves down his neck; a blue ribbon was tied in an Alice-band... and he looked pretty good. I noted the rest of his clothes quickly: a baby blue mini dress with silver bangles and a post box red belt; cute skin coloured tights.... had he shaved his legs or were they already like that?

Obliviously not, "Ha ha ha Jazz," Emmett boomed, "Alice shaved your legs!"

Jasper hissed and Alice scolded him, "Come on Jasmine, lets try and be a little more lady like."

Jasper would do anything for Alice. So would Jasmine, "Of course Ali," he sang, in a high, shrill voice, "what would you girls like to do today?" he asked turning to us, "A nice stroll? Sewing maybe?"

I noticed that all the activities Jasmine suggested were always from the public eye, "Jasmine," I pouted, "I had to eat leftover popcorn for breakfast, I think we should do the shopping."

Before Jasper could make out an excuse Alice and Rose linked through his arms and we all piled into the Volvo.

We were at the supermarket with in five minutes of Edward's crazy driving. We got out, I couldn't see anyone I recognised so we should be fairly safe. Then I saw Angela.

"Hey Bella!" she said running over the parking lot to us, "Hi guys. I haven't seen you in so long Bella! How are you all?"

"Great Angela, how are you?" I replied, glad to hear some proper kindness for one of the first times since Esme stepped out the door.

"Good thanks. Who's this?" Angela asked, pointing to Jasper. Good... if she didn't recognise him then who would?

"Oh right," I grasped for an explanation, "He...She's Rose and Jasper's French cousin."

"Hallo!" Squealed Jasper in a heavy accent, "Ma name is Jasmine and J'adore l'america!"

"Oh right?" Angela said, obviously not understanding, "Where's Jasper?"

"Um..."

"He's ill." Rose chipped in.

Angela took one look at my beautiful big sister and turned, "Well, great seeing you Bella. We'll see you at the wedding!"

"Yea, bye."

Good, Angela was a good test, if she didn't recognise him then who would. Nobody really knew the Cullens but Angela really knew _me_.

We walked into the store, we were just splitting to go and gather different groceries when none other than the vile Mike Newton walked in.

Mike's POV

I was having a really great day. Me and Tyler were chick hunting so we pulled over into the supermarket to see who we could find. We saw Angela getting into her car and hooted, she flinched and hurried up.

"Wimp," I muttered under my breath, Tyler nodded.

We walked coolly into the shop and then I saw the Cullens, I started to curse, those stupid guys, Edward, Emmett and Jasper I think would stop us playing our game. Then I saw Bella was with them and smiled, _she is so freaking hot. _Then I spotted this god damn stunning girl with them.

Stopping myself from running right up and pinching her tight ass I watched in delight that they all split directions to get different food. And even better the stunning girl was walking down the freezer isle with Bella.

"Today is our lucky day," muttered Tyler as we casually strutted up the isle.

We walked up behind them,

"Hey Bells, what's up?" I grinned.

Bella grimaced and sighed, "Hello Mike." she said. I don't think she was even trying to sound so...

"So Bell," Tyler interrupted my thoughts, pinching the girl's butt he continued, "And who is this?"

"Hallo Mike, you must be..." the girl said

"Tyler"

"Ah, Tyler, such a 'andsome name for le 'ottie. Ma name is Jasmine and J'adore tesderrières!"

_Jasmine. Jasmine..._

"Mike, please, this is Jasper's cousin so please behave." _Oops, I hadn't realised I was dribbling_.

"Right well, maybe..."

Bella seemed to think this was a good idea... I wonder why? "Mike, Tyler what an excellent idea, Jasmine goes home tomorrow but if she could go to dinner with you tonight she would get such a taste of American culture! Oh please take her."

Tyler can read my mind, "Hell yes."

"Great!" Bella sang, "we'll drop her round at seven!"

Tyler and I left the shop two very happy men.

***

Emmett's POV

I heard the entire conversation from the next isle. I had to stick my head in a pack of washing powder to stop my self laughing. Then all the stupid little soap suds tickled way too much and they made me laugh harder. Alice came pulled it off.

Jasper, Bella and the others found us too.

"Bella!" I coughed, "You are pure genius!" she flushed bright red.

Jasper looked awkward, "We are just standing those creeps up right?"

Alice looked like someone just told her Christmas was cancelled, Jasper looked sorry immediately and Alice pulled him towards the door, "We'll meet you at home guys. Jasmine has a date to prepare for!"


	23. la grande date

**Chapter 23 – La grande date**

Bella's POV

For the second time that day we waited at the bottom of the stairs for Jasper. It was funny how much fun Jasper's day had turned out to be, not really for him... but for the rest of us! Alice got her fun with make-overs and clothes, but at the same time none of us had to play barbie. We played games and went swimming (not Emmett though).

Alice danced down the stairs, skipping every other step in sheer excitement, "Jasmine, you can come down now." she called.

Jasper feet emerged first. Black boots. Then the tiny skirt – probably the same length as the shoe's heels. Next there was the red strappy top, fitted shirt, belt and sliver pendant. Ever the perfectionist was Alice; bra straps were visible, causing Emmett to immediately ping it. Then there was the full blown black and red make-up and straightened hair with, probably real, diamond clips.

"Too much guys?" Jasper said sarcastically.

Alice didn't catch his tone and launched into explanation, "Guys do you think it is? I only went with a B this morning but I gave him C cause I thought... well... then the hair, his curls always look better but I though with the clips..."

"It's OK Alice," Rose said, putting her arm round Alice, probably as much for support from hysterics than comforting Alice, "_I_ think you did a great job."

Smiling a huge Alice grin, she picked some keys out the draw, "And you know what I think Edward? I don't think you've driven that Vanquish for a while."

"No way!" Edward said getting up, "I am not giving Mike Creeping Newton the pleasure of glimpsing my Vanquish on a date with my brother.. or any date!" he pulled his arm tighter around me.

"Aw come on Edward!" I said sweetly, "Please, it's not just for Mike, it's for Tyler Creeping Crowley too, please..."

"Fine," he finally caved in. I smiled and Alice winked in approval.

"When do we have to go?" I asked excitedly.

"Edward can drive Jasper, obviously, but Emmett you can ride with them to make sure they don't back out of the deal. Rose and I will carry Bella and we'll hide in the trees round the back of the house and meet Edward and Emmett there after to watch the romantic dinner for three!" Alice said so quickly I had trouble catching each detail.

"WHAT?" Jasper bellowed, dropping his female impersonation, "I do not have to eat food! Bella said I did not have to eat food!"

Alice whispered something in Jasper's ear. I caught the basics, "Unless you want to be getting less action than Eddie..."

Jasper picked up the bag Rose was holding out for him and got back in character, " 'O is ready _pour la grande date_?"

***

Edward's POV

Alice signalled to me to me him that they were all comfy in the trees. Emmett thought Jasper and I would be difficult coming but we knew what Alice would do to us, so Emmett didn't need the rope he bought. I casually rolled down the window as Jasper walked up to the house and knocked at the door.

Wanting to make sure Mike knew it was my car just as the door was I called, "See you later Jasmine, call me when you want a lift back."

The moronic Mike had two answers prepared, _don't expect a call till morning_, "I can drive her back if you like."

"No, you enjoy yourself," I called as I rolled the car away.

Parking under some cover of trees down the street Emmett and I went to join the girls in the tree. Everyone was dressed in black and the humans would never spot us.

Bella nearly dropped her sandwiches when I crept up behind her, "Hungry?"

"Ugh, you got mayonnaise on me," she moaned, I knew she wasn't really angry so I adjusted her onto my lap so she could get a good view of Tyler taking Jasper's coat. I could hear their lame attempts at chat up lines. Jasper wasn't paying attention, _when I am done having the worst night of my life I will kill you all. I will kill you Edward most, because you could have stopped this, and you didn't._

I could smell the burnt oven lasagne Mike was dishing up –_ never heard of offering a drink_? Jasper sat down at the tiny dining room table with the creep brothers and started to pick at it.

Lamely he told them he was veterinarian, or something like that, "I 'ave no appetite for l'animal for I find it a little... bloody?"

That stumped Mike for a minute, "Well, I guess we have toast." _Great come back Mike, your mummy would be proud._ Mrs Newton wouldn't be that proud though, the toast was well and truly black.

Jasper nibbled at the edges. Mike and Tyler scoffed their food down though and decided a stroll in the garden would be necessary. Alice was confident we wouldn't be spotted, or the cameras we had hidden, documenting the experience.

"So Jasmine, how do you like it in America?" Tyler asked, "you know here Jasmine is a flower, and it is almost as beautiful as you."

"Oui, Jasmine is a flower in Francis too. My family is very good to moi." Jasper avoided the question.

Then Tyler pulled him roughly to sit on the grass. I could hear Alice curse in her thoughts for the ruined skirt.

"Say something in French." demanded Mike.

Jasper knew Mike couldn't speak it so took the chance to have some fun just for us, "Est-ce que tu aimes jouer avec toi-même ?"

_I think she just said she loved me_ Mike though. Tyler's thought were just as deranged.

"I asked you a question." Jasper prompted, "Est-ce que tu aimes jouer avec toi-même _?"_

_I love you too_ "Oui," Mike and Tyler chorused, thoughts and words.

That would go on You Tube straight away when we got back; Mike and Tyler would never live down playing with themselves and...

"Tu est beaucoup débile et des voleurs?" Emmett was having problems keeping quiet by now.

"Oui!" Stupid and thieves... thieves, maybe that could be a nice little payback for every time Mike's stared at Bella's bum...

Jasper smiled sweetly, "You like French mon garçons?"

After another few bad attempts at flirting Jasper got up and announced it was time to go.

"Wait!" Mike shouted, "Bella said we should show you some English culture and I don't think we should disappoint her..." Mike leaned in for the kiss.

Suddenly it was clear to all of us that this was taking it too far. Emmett grabbed his rope and started lassoing. Many of Esme's prize pieces had been destroyed for this skills.

"Wait, can't we just go knock at the door and..." Bella started, she reached out to grab the rope but it was too late. She knocked it off course and landed neatly round a clump of Jasper's skirt. The ever stupid Emmett pulled...

Mike screamed and covered his eyes, Tyler shrugged, "well this is new," he muttered.

Jasper blinked in horror, but he recovered, "I told you you were silly. Tell anyone and you die."

With that, we left.

***

Jasper's POV

I got home and ripped the stupid girl's clothes off and found some beautiful soft warm jeans. That was the last time Alice ever dressed me.

She let out a tiny scream.

I corrected my thoughts: that was the last time Alice would ever let Emmett lasso. She smiled and kissed me, "You made a quite a cute girl you know."

We edited the tapes quietly because Bella was already in bed.

"Oh my gosh!" Alice squealed suddenly, "It's my day very very soon!" she pecked me on the cheek and run to the nearest phone/catalogue/free computer, "I'll see you later..."

Hope you like! Sorry my French is sketchy... if you though it was a little brisk dealing with the date.. have no fears **mike will be back to haunt us**!! please tell me what you think xx


	24. Jam, justice and jail

Tell me what you think as usual! I don't think it's unfair to want more than 10...

We've established that the Cullens are Stephanie Meyers. Please check out my other new story, sorry ma'am. Still only beginning but I have big plans :D

**Chapter 24 – Jam, justice and jail**

Bella's POV

I woke up at one point in the night to an empty bed, but I guessed Edward had just gone to help Alice so I just rolled over and went back to sleep. It didn't seem like very long till Alice rudely awakened me with a glass of cold water.

"Alice! What was that for?"

"Well, he wouldn't have let me wake you up if I didn't do that," Alice reasoned, gesturing to Edward – who actually looked more annoyed than me.

"It's OK Bella, you can go back to sleep. Alice will go annoy somebody else."

Alice pouted, "No way! Today is my day and I want to get started, it's already 10!"

Wow, that was the longest I'd slept all week. I dragged myself up too quickly and got head rush, "What do you want Alice?"

"Well, how would you feel about a little Barbie Bella and toast?" she smiled sweetly.

"Well, I'll have the toast." She sighed and dragged me into her huge bathroom where there was a stack of jammy toast waiting for me.

"Alice, I'm really worried now, why are you being so nice." Alice didn't answer she just winked and started doing my hair.

"Edward!" I called. He rushed straight in, "Alice is buttering me up for something and I don't think I'm going to like it."

"I know!" Edward said, exasperated, "She's been blocking her thoughts... and do you really think I would have picked this shirt? She's already got to the rest of us!" I actually quite liked the shirt, white with intricate leaf patterns. I would tell Alice later.

I saw her nod out the corner of my eye.

"Edward go do something else, I'll be a while." She instructed. Edward blew me a kiss and scuttled off; soon I heard piano floating up the stairs and I closed my eyes to let Alice do her worst.

***

When I woke up I was even out my pyjamas. "Alice!" I said lightly slapping her on the arm, "you didn't need to dress me. I'm not a baby!"

"Whatever Bells. You wouldn't have woken up quickly enough and we're working to an agenda today. Come on downstairs."

I took the last step on the huge stair case and looked up at the rest of my brothers and sisters. It was true, Alice had got to them all already. We were all very subtly coordinating in blues, greys, pale greens and creams. I guessed we'd be coordinated everyday if she got her way.

"Alice..." words failed me.

"I think she means _what the hell_." said Rose, "I am perfectly capable of dressing myself, you know that."

Rose pulled a piece of paper out her back pocket. It said _Alice's dressing certificate level 4._

"Alice... What the HELL?"

"Well, in a family like this you can't just let people dress for themselves, you have no idea what Emmett wears when he and Rose go on holidays. Sometimes I actually have to fly out and get him to change." Alice said, as if it made sense.

"Well, fine, what level do I have." I asked sulkily.

Alice seemed to be skirting the question so I stared at her coldly until she gave in, "OK Bella, don't get angry though. You're level one."

I composed myself well – or maybe it was just Jasper. But whatever, I wasn't shouting yet, "Alice, what do the levels mean?"

Alice didn't answer, Rose handed me her certificate upside down, so I read the back.

_ALICE'S CERTIFICATES OF FASHION_

_level one – Alice should get say in whatever you wear if at all possible until you are further educated._

I stopped myself from hitting her, knowing it would only probably hurt me, and carried on reading.

_Level two – you can form outfits once Alice has approved the clothing items but Alice should still have veto power._

_Level three – well done, not back taste! You can buy yourself things but Alice still needs to sift through to get the baddies out your closet and replace with nice stuff._

_level four – all most there. Alice is still you expert shopping buddy who you can't survive without._

_Level five – almost as good as Alice! You should still take note of the GIFTS she sends you._

"Alice, what the hell is all this?" I shouted, "and why am I only level one?"

Alice remained untouched, "Didn't you read it? You're level one because you still need to be educated. This is fashion justice"

"What level is everyone else?" I asked, hoping to get a confidence boost.

"Well... Carlisle is five, but only because he threatened my credit cards. Esme is four, I offered her five but she insists she likes being a shopping buddy. Rose is four, but you know that. Edward and Jasper are three, but only because I they know what sort of stuff to stick to and Em is..." Alice started to get quieter but Emmett seemed proud of his score,

"I'm level two Bells!" he shouted.

"WHAT? How come he's level two? You just said about flying out to..."

"Cool it Bella." Alice said, "He's level two because he just wears jeans with everything, so I can pick his clothes to all go with jeans – therefore he can coordinate his clothes well." then she leaned in behind me and whispered in my ear, "and Em's really scary when he doesn't win." then loudly again for everyone else, "Come on guys, we're already five minutes behind schedule!"

I flopped onto the sofa, "OK, but I'm still not happy."

"Come on then! We're going to the station!"

"Why?" Jasper asked sending a brief wave of confusion over us all, "Charlie's on a course."

"No silly!" Alice say, grabbing the keys to the porche and Rose's Mercedes, "We're going to watch _someone else_. Bella, I don't know if you noticed but Edward was doing some favours for me last night," I was right, that was a first, "Bella and Rose you can come with me, the boys can go in your car Rose, Jasper won't crash it." Alice was sure and you could hear it in each word so Rose nodded and we piled into the cars.

***

When we got to the station I realised who the someone else was. Stepping out the cruiser was Mike and Tyler in handcuffs.

"Alice! What have you done!"


	25. Mike's confession

I hope you like! I'll be away for... not too long, four or five days, so I'll update when I'm back. Cullens=Stephenie Meyer's. I'm not gonna go over 30 chapters so lots and lots of reviews for this one! xxx Isabel xxx

**Chapter 25 – Mike's confession**

Emmett's POV

"Alice! What have you done?" Bella screamed. Alice whacked her hand over her mouth so nobody would hear her. _Hmm... funny, I never knew Bella was that fond of Mike..._

"Ew no!" Edward hissed, "Just, well... Bella, do you er..."

"Bella," I interrupt, deciding that Alice would kill us all if we spent the whole day listening to Edward try and get it out, "Edward wants to know if you've been cheating with Mike."

"Ew no!" she squealed back, _and there wasn't even anything juicy out of it... maybe next time..._ "But seriously, Alice, what have you done to Mike and Tyler?"

Alice grinned, "Let's just say the police found a little video recording of some of last night's French confessions, and then, back at Mike's lair, they might have found some of my old jewellery."

Bella didn't seem very worried about Mike any more, "Alice, you just give away jewels?"

Alice shrugged back.

"But Alice," Jasper asked logically, "Surely Mike will just... you know... tell them the _whole _story? Than we're in for it..."

"No, of course not honey. I would never get you in trouble-" _ew, soppy _"-Mike and Tyler are both just a little to _traumatised_ to say anything _here_."

We leaned in to hear what was happening in the confession room.

"_Mike, Tyler, I hope you realise how serious this is."_

Silence.

"_Newton, Crowley, I said something."_

"_Erm..."_

"_Look here, just watch this tape."_

We were all pleasured with a rerun of des voleurs, the silly little thieves.

"_Erm..." _Mike and Tyler had no idea.

"_Look I don't want to get angry lads. Did you or did you not steal the priceless jewellery in your lounge that was found in YOUR living room this morning?"_

I heard Bella's breath suck in at the word 'priceless'.

"Bella," Alice hissed, snapping her hand over Bella's mouth, "They probably haven't seen designer before."

Mike's squeal bough our attention back to whatever was going down in the station.

"_I'm so sorry. It was us, it really was just let us go please."_

"_Well, we'll have to tell you parents, and you could be charged when we find out who these belong to," _the cop agreed as he filed the papers into Mike and Tyler's thick records.

I didn't need to see the future to know I would _have_ to get my hands on that file somehow. Just an afternoon's entertainment or something...

"OK guys. Show's over. We have stuff at home." Alice snapped dragging Bella out the tree.

She pointed to the cars and we all got in obediently - cause for someone so small Alice is quite scary.

***

_Jasper's POV_

Alice's strict agenda was annoying but typically her. Edward refused to tell me all the way home and Emmett started singing just to shut up our bickering. The fact the lounge was spotless was not a surprise when we got home.

"Wow Alice." I gasped in awe.

"Sorry Alice, I'm telling him this time," Edward laughed, then turned to me, "She didn't really tidy it. If you open the cupboard you'll get a slight surprise!"

My scary little wife hissed, "Shut up all of you and sit down. Try and look normal. We've got a visitor."

I listened to the tyres turn onto the drive and as each moment passed I could feel the nervousness within the car grow stronger and stronger. Eventually the car cut of and I held my breath anticipating who the guest was and preying it wouldn't turn out like our last guest on Sunday...

"Hello? Is anyone in?" _Oh. My. Gosh. *Ahh*... Edward I did not just think that, Emmett will tease me for eternity._

It was Mike Newton, surely he'd had enough fun with us last night.

"Well hello Mike!" Alice sang leaping up and muting the TV. Emmett whined like a baby.

Edward, who seemed to be in on the secret, gestured for Mike to have a seat, "what's up Mike? Can we help you?"

Mike flushed, "Well actually I really just wanted to speak to, erm... Rosalie and Jasper."

"Please Mike," Alice cooed, "Whatever you say to them surely you can say to the rest of us."

"Well, ur, Alice, the thing is I really need to speak to them about their cousin." Mike muttered.

Emmett leaped up, "What? You're not going to dis our cousin are you? We all love Jazzy!" _We didn't give him enough credit at times_. Bella had trouble not laughing and giving, whatever the game was, away.

"Fine." Mike said finally, "erm..." at this rate he wouldn't have said whatever it was by sundown so I sent a little wave of confidence his way. "Cullens, I think your cosine is in the French Mafia, he – that's right, he – is a pervert and a freak!"

Mike was straight away taken aback by what he just said, "I mean, um, I think that your cosine is a guy cause erm... and then I dunno, he sounded so... ur, scary and..." _score! I'm scary!_

"MIKE!" I boomed leaping up, playing along, "I was ill whilst our cosine was staying so I didn't even get to see her, and now you have the nerve to come here and tell me she's a fake?"

Rose sniffed dramatically, "Mike, I think you must be mistaken."

Mike fidgeted in his seat, "It's just I thought I saw..."

"What did you see?" Bella urged.

"I think I saw a, you know..." he edged.

The room was silent, obviously not from surprise, but if anyone said anything it would have pushed us all over the edge into full blown hysterics.

"Sorry, maybe, maybe I was wrong..." Mike said. He walked slowly out the room but then we heard his running footsteps to his car.

"hahahahaha!"

Just as Emmett smacked his fist on the kitchen wall, the Alice's cupboard burst open and the room was flooded with the junk that we'd collected this week. No one bothered digging Bella out the piles and she will sill laughing, all be it with a bruise on her forehead, when she climbed out.

Eventually when we'd all calmed down a little, Alice asked simply, "Who's ready for the next item on the agenda?"


	26. karaoke

I hope you like! I'm sorry I've been so long updating, I'll try harder :S but I've been away with a bestie (lots of swimming, shopping, sunny g's and haystack hair :P) 

Anyway, back to business, nearly 100 reviews, I really really want them bad! If everyone who's already reviewed, reviewed again, I'd nearly be at 200 hundred which would be even more awesome!

We all know the Cullens are Stephenie Meyers, but also all the songs I use I do put who they are by, because they are all very talented. xxx

**Chapter 26 – Karaoke**

Jasper's POV

"Now then ladies and gentlemen," my gorge imp of a wife said adjusting her hair by the reflections in the window, "Don't get angry about the next activity, after all, it is my day-"

"Alice," Bella interrupted, finishing her pasta (probably the best meal she'd got all week – trust Alice) "If we're going to get angry then surely it's a bad idea; so why are we doing it?"

"Because Bella, I figured Esme would freak if I had a party without her." Alice told her simply.

"Too right she would!" Edward sulked, "She'd wish she could have been home to help decorate."

"Actually Edward you are exactly right. So what I fancied was karaoke! Course I've picked out the perfect outfits and songs for you all, so all you have to do is sing!"

"Al-lice" we all moaned together.

"Now, now children, go and get your clothes from your beds; Bella, yours is in my bathroom so I can do your make up."

"Seriously Alice," Emmett boomed, "What's all the fuss about? We all know I kick ass at karaoke without all the slap, you haven't seen my dancing!"

"Oh yea?" I laughed, "Well I think we can handle that!" I said marching up to go find out whatever monstrosity of a costume Alice had planned for me.

***

Alice's POV

I had them all in the back garden dressed to impress. I hadn't told them their songs but my darling brothers and sisters were having fun guessing from their outfits.

I, of course, looked stunning. I'd piled my hair up and was wearing a deep purple dress with soft, smoky make up. Rose looked equally gorgeous in a short red dress, tumbling curls and striking party make up. Then Bella, perhaps looked best, in a neutral white gown flaring round the ankles into a soft snowy canopy. Her hair was tumbling round her shoulders and had mysterious but light and careful make up.

I couldn't do much with the boys without making them look ridiculous so Jasper got a black tee and jeans, Edward got a fresh white shirt and grey blazer with his jeans. Rose persuaded Emmett into his black shirt and subtle, deep red tie.

"Alrighty guys and gals, let's get this show on the road!" I called them to hush.

Bella sighed, she didn't get the need to make all the fuss over a few songs.

"OK," I continued, ignoring her, "Rose, you're first and your song is..." if they were quiet, they were silent now as I handed her a CD.

"Oh!" She squealed, "The Boy Does Nothing – Alesha Dixon! That's so perfect Alice, he does nothing!" she waved at Emmett teasingly.

I'm glad she liked it, I though she would get more than a little annoyed if I picked her 'I wanna have your babies'.

Just as I predicted, Rose was amazing, her sugary, chiming voice echoed across the lawn, she hit all the notes perfectly and sounded better than the real thing.

"_I got a man with two left feet..._

_I saw you in the corner and my vibe kicked in..._

_I wanna see you work, I wanna see you move your body and turn..."_

"Rose!" Bella gaped as we cheered, "You were excellent! Just so..."

"OK then Bella, your next!" I stopped her gushing and she froze.

"Alice? How do you expect me to follow that up?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"Perfectly." I replied simply and confidently.

Pleased with my obvious sincerity, Bella took the mic and walked up onto my stage of wood and leaves.

I waved another CD at her, "Forgetting something? You've got Halo by Beyonce."

I heard Bella gulp and the rest of us laughed as the music begun to her perfect performance. I couldn't see how she could do it any better if she was vampire.

"_...I got my angle now..._

… _Every rule I had you breaking, it's the risk I'm taking..._

… _I'm addicted to your light..._

…_. you're everything I need and more..."_

I'm pretty sure Edward would have been crying if he could. Bella so obviously directed the song at Edward – Apart from _Prey I won't fade away –_ that probably had something to do with the dress...

"That was beautiful." Edward choked kissing her passionately.

"Not now!" I interrupted, "Bella you were amazing though; however I have a sexy husband next in the line up."

Jasper grinned and grabbed the next disc in the pile, "You and me – Plain White T's! Awesome!" he ran to the stage pecking me on the cheek when he passed.

"You and me, we like the same kind of music...

_...we got style, and we know how to use it..._

_...You know what I'm going to say before my mouth even makes a sound..._

… _I know from the sound of your breathing exactly what you're feeling..._

… _That's why we make a good you and me..."_

Scrap what I just said to Bella. I ran up a kissed that amazing Texas hunk smack on the lips. He sounded just perfect in his husky, on key musical voice.

Emmett coughed, "Alice, when's it my go?"

I was called back to the rest of the world, "You next Em, take you song and get a-singing!"

He picked up the next disk and a confused look came over his face, "Natasha Bedingfeild? Are you sure it's me next?" Then when I nodded he got slightly angry and boomed, "Alice! You gave me a girls song! Natasha freaking Bedingfeild?"

I sighed and threw him the mic back, "Natasha Bedingfeild is very talented - I take it you haven't read what the actual song is yet?"

Emmett turned from misery to complete bliss, "I love you Alice! I can't believe this – I can even dance to this!"

"Oh no you can't!" Edward corrected him.

"Whatever," Emmett shrugged as the beat blared, "I'm a bomb is _so_ true to me."

"_...Me and my girls going out..._

_...Dressed to kill, I'll be causing mass destruction so shield your eyes..._

… _I'm a bomb! Can you hear me tick?..._

… _what are you doing showing me no fear?..._

… _I'm a bomb!"_

Rose laughed and smiled appreciatively before going to see her bomb. Who didn't actually sing to badly. It would have been better if he wasn't trying to dance at the same time, which was thoroughly disastrous. I was going to have to take down the top left canopy completely before my go. But other than that, he was great, his deep light hearted voice reached even the girly, soprano notes.

I didn't need a prompt when they pulled away from each other I took the stage and started my song, A Moment Like This, Leona Lewis.

"_What if I told you it was all meant to be?..._

… _it's almost that feeling we've met before..._

… _some people wait a life time for a moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss..._

… _could this be the greatest love of all?..._

… _I can't believe it's happening to me..."_

The others told me how excellent I was and I agreed honestly, I was waiting for the best compliment,

"You were perfect." He breathed before giving me one of those special kisses.

I had to end it and I gesture for Edward to take the stage. _You got She's The One by Robbie Williams, _I told him mentally, _There's a keyboard behind the platform._

Edward smiled and lifted the hand crafted mini-piano. Feeling at home behind the keys, he belted out the lyrics in perfect snyc with his also fantastic playing,

"_... and if there's somebody, calling me on, she's the one..._

… _though the sea will be strong, we'll carry on..._

… _we were one, we were free..._

… _she's the one..."_

Bella could cry and she was, "Edward" she choked out before grabbing him.

"Get a room." Emmett muttered, "That was fun Alice. But I still think I kicked ass."

"Emmett!" Rose scolded, "This wasn't a competition."

"Don't worry Rose," I told her pulling a DVD out my bag, "I already got it covered. Em, here's your prize."

"What? _How to dance for idiots?_" He screamed loudly. We laughed and headed back to the house. I was feeling it was time for the next outfit change...

This chapter is dedicated to my friend, see if you can guess which is our fave song – you can have the next chapter ;) xxx


	27. Eddie

Just a little chapter. I've said before I want to tie it up at 30! So only another 3 chapters!

I don't know if you haven't noticed, but SM is a mum and I most definitely am not... so the Cullen's aren't mine!

Let me know what you think. People who guessed my fave song (at the mo!) was She's the One (Edward's song) was TEAM JANE! But I loved all the songs, specially I'm a bomb (Emmett's song) and Me and You (jasper's song)... why do the boys always get the good ones?

Anyway, thanks for all you reveiws!!! I can't believe we got to 100! whoop whoop! Please review again, I love you all! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ps - chapter 13 was just a re-upload of chap 14 for a while but i changed that if you ever noticed :D

**Chapter 27 - Eddie**

Emmett's POV

My really really stupid, annoying and scary little sister had just announced it was time for another outfit change. Bella looked like she was thinking something along the lines of _kill me now_ and I was pretty annoyed too. Why couldn't Alice just get that most people wore a tee for a day until it got dirty?

She sighed loudly, "I won't make you get changed if you don't want too, but I think you're all a little over-dressed for a movie and dinner at Port-Angels. Or even just a movie, depending on weather your human or not, don't worry Em." Some times I wondered if it was her or Eddie who read minds.

"Oi" he nudged me playfully, Eddie had probably been snooping on my thoughts... we all know how he hated to be called Eddie.

"Shut-up Emmy," he hissed.

Alice came and squished in-between us, "Stop fighting, go get some jeans or I'll make you wear tuxes!"

Not wanting her to get out my dreaded tux I scurried up the stairs right at Eddie boy's tale.

"Shut-up" he shouted down from his room.

***

Edward's POV

My annoying, and very very daft big brother was purposely annoying me in his head all the way to Port-Angels with his stupid 'Eddie Boy-ing', inappropriate thoughts on Bella and much much worse. I was ready to kill him by the time we pulled up at cinema. _Please don't, _Alice thought, not all that jokingly either, _my day has gone so well so far! Please Eddie._

"WHAT? Alice not you too! Please do not call me Eddie!" I shouted, a few people getting out their cars looked around.

"Sush honey," Bella soothed me, taking my hand.

I smiled at her, "Tell them what my name is then."

"Um... Edward. But honey?" She looked at my awkwardly, "I kinda like Eddie."

"Bella, I'm just going to go ahead and ignore you ever said that." I kept on smiling calmly.

Jasper was laughing quietly by now, "Oh come on Eddie, you and Em call me Jazz all the time but I never say anything."

Alice looked annoyed, "But Jazzy, Emmy, and Eddie are such cute names. Plea-ease!"

Bella turned her attention to me and Rose, who hadn't looked that bothered seemed to have some sentimental attachment to Emmy...

I sighed and smiled, "OK then, Rosie, Ally and Izzy; you girls go ahead and call me Eddie."

Emmett and Jasper gave me sneaky high-fives, we knew these were not preferred names for the girls. We walked into the movies to grab some tickets to the next comedy.

"Oh no!" Ally smiled, "Eddie, we aren't watching comedy, in case you haven't noticed... It's my day!"

_Great, two hours of teens snogging and "drama" consisting of a lost dog._

"Great, I heard there was a really good one about the dog..." Izzy started. I was glad this wasn't probably going to last long, because Izzy really didn't suit Izzy, like... her other name.

When we sat down in the theatre Ally, Izzy and Rosie all sat together in the row behind us guys. Then, although vampires didn't really get uncomfortable it was annoying when they made us duck down so they could have better views. When we suggested they just swap with us they just told us that in the theatre you would pay most for row G and so row G was only meant for the class. i.e. Them.

By some miracle the film passed and we picked up some food for Izzy. No one talked to each other – or at least someone of another sex - because of the 'names' incident. Alice mainly explained everything we would need to do tomorrow to ensure the house was back to it's normal splendour.

"You know, it's gonna be weird when Esme and Carlisle get back." Emmett mused as he dissected Bella's burger disgustedly.

"Yea, I think it will," Ally agreed calmly, "I think they'll be a change in us all."

"What?" Izzy asked through a mouth full of chicken.

"Rose, explain to Izzy that we have hardly fought since Friday." I instructed.

Rosie hissed at the name, "It's true though, Eddie and I almost always bicker. Emmy and Jazzy haven't broken more than two tables in the week either."

Ally nodded in agreement, "Eddie, I do think that your little nicknames for us will start another round of bickering though." I could feel the tension in the atmosphere through Jasper's thoughts and I knew the formality was on the brink of being lost.

"Ally, it is hardly suitable for you to ask something of me without complying yourselves." Ally had just seen herself tomorrow; calling me by my real name.

"Fine Edward. You win this one but don't think Eddies dead. He'll be back when you least expect it" knowing Alice she would probably bring this back up when I had all but forgotten it. Poor me.

"Good to have you back girlies. Rose, we really haven't argued much have we?"

"Nope!" Rose laughed, popping the 'p', "We should really get started on another argument though or Mommy will be worried when she gets back!"

"I'm not sure vampires get ill," Bella said, creasing her forehead, "I'm pretty sure..."

"Did you even see me on Saturday morning?" Emmett asked in a panic, dropping the burger, "Please, don't make me ill!"

***

When we got home Alice let me and Bella off the hook for a game of cards. I tucked Bella in and started humming her the lullaby.

"Edward," she whispered, "did I do an _OK _job vampire-sitting you guys this week?"

"Yes, I think you've done excellently, we might last another few years of with out killing Rose yet!" I chuckled, sinking back into the tune.

"I love you Edward, I don't like silly Eddie as much you know. He was very mean to a friend of a friend, Ally." Bella smiled back.

"Oh? And who's your friend?"

"Izzy! Of course. I was under the impression you knew her too?" Bella was still smiling.

I grinned back, and tucked her under the covers, "I love you." I vowed before restarting her lullaby for the last time before she sank into a deep sleep. Confessing her love another four times before day brake. Her last day...


	28. high

Hope you like! Only one more chapter then... so please review! Cullen's are SM. The next chapter (and to be quite honest all the chapters) are for the peoples who have always reviewed so excellently much. I love you!

I wasn't planning on doing a squeal but I suddenly thought.. would it be any good if I sent Carlisle and Esme off again in 10 years time? then we'd have Jacob and Nessie to add to the chaos... tell me what you think!

If you're going to miss me until then please check out my brand new story (I did have another but it didn't work out). My new story is called _A glass too many_ and is about the girls escaping to see the boys every summer but then they grow up and... well you'll have to read it. xxx

**Chapter 28 – High**

Bella's POV

I woke up feeling good. I knew Esme would get home tomorrow and life would be restored to normal, or perhaps better than normal. As the _very_ end of last night flooded back to me I grinned.

"Morning love." Edward greeted as I opened my eyes.

"Good morning _Edward_. What time is it? Has Alice finished cleaning yet?" I laughed, thinking of my obsessive pixie sister.

"Um actually Bella I need to talk to you about that..." Edward edged.

"Fine. We'll go downstairs, then I can see what she has done." I compromised.

Edward took my hand and we went downstairs. I nearly fainted when I walked into the family room. If it had been bad yesterday night then it was about a million times worse now, "EMMETT!" I screamed.

Emmett walked in looking like a lost puppy with his eyes downcast, "Bella, I swear it wasn't me. Ask Edward."

I wasn't sure weather to believe Emmett but I asked Edward anyway, "Edward, why didn't you stop this?"

"Sorry Bella. I was listening to you, you were saying some really nice stuff and..." I started back at Edward unimpressed.

"Sorry's not good enough Edward. What nice things do you think I'd be saying whilst up to my eyes in rubbish that you could have prevented? Anyway, where is Alice and the others?" I said firmly.

"Alice.. is a little... little tiny bit..." Edward explained, he couldn't seem to find the word.

"Alice is high." Emmett interrupted.

"WHAT?" I screamed, "Vampires can't get high, you need blood to get high. Alice is not, high, she is moving her tiny butt here right now and she needs to get tidying."

"Actually Bella, love, vampires do have blood, even if it's not ours so..." Edward told me logically.

All of a sudden it felt like I was the one who was high and my mood swung to desperation, "Alice can't be hight *sniff* she's the only one that *sniff* knows how to fix the house. Now Esme will kill me and..."

"Shush Bella, it will all be OK." Edward comforted me.

"Edward? You do know where the others are right now don't you?" Emmett asked nervously.

"No, why?" Edward replied. Then Emmett must have told him in his thoughts, "What the hell! Why didn't you stop her Em? She's about three times as small as you!"

"She's really scary Edward." Emmett mumbled.

I was feeling a little out the loop, "Can I please have the story from the beginning?"

"Fine Bells," Emmett agreed, sitting down heavily on the remains of Esme's designer sofa, "We were playing cards last night and we were on the last round at about four this morning when we decided to give the loser just a single dare. Alice lost that round and Rose won so Rose dared Alice to steal some of Carlisle's drugs; like you, she didn't realise they would actually make her high. So anyway, after taking them she started to get crazier and crazier every few minuets, but then she must have hit the low at the end because she suddenly decided she needed more. We tried to stop her but she took the whole of Carlisle's cabinet in two minutes. Then she hit the low of that even quicker and harder so that's where we are now. She decided she needed even more..."

"So what your saying is Alice is stealing from the hospital?" I verified.

"The others were trying to chase her and stop her but by the sounds of their thoughts I don't think they were very successful." Edward added.

Just on queue Alice sprang through the back doors and onto my lap, followed by Jasper and Rose who looked quite weary considering it was impossible for them to get tired.

"Alice, please tell me this is all one large joke." I said slowly and clearly.

"I like jokies! I like you Bella. I don't like you Bella. I LOVE you Bella." Alice sang.

"Guys!" I wailed, "why did you do this to her. Don't you realise Esme's gonna kill me?"

"I'm so sorry Bella," Rose sighed, sitting down next to me, "If you've ever hated me, that's fine. I know it will probably only hurt you but if it makes it any better you can slap me all you like."

"No it's all right," I replied, leaning my head on her perfect shoulder, "But what will we do with Alice now? And the house?" Alice was attempting to climb round the room. She could get up the wall fairly easily but she was having problems running along the ceiling.

"Well, if you could spare me I'll go shopping, I don't know quite as much as Alice about everything... but I could do better than nothing. I think you better let Em and Jazz deal with Alice until she calms down a little and then you and Edward better get started with tidying."

"Please Rose," Alice cried, "Don't shop without me, I lo-oo-oo-ove shopping." Alice sat down on the remains of the coffee table and started to write the names of different designers on her toes, "Gucci, Prada, Juicy Couture, Avercrombie, DNKY, Hugo Boss, Channel, Christian Dior..."

"Alice!" Jasper snapped, he was viably shaking from all Alice's emotions, "Please just try and calm down honey!"

"I love you Jazzy!" Alice shouted at the top of her voice before rubbing her nose on the back of his head in what she probably thought was a loving way. Jasper just sat there awkwardly.

"So Rose, you're going shopping are you? Can I come actually?" I asked quickly before anyone else could ask.

"Sure Bella!" Rose said enthusiastically, "We'll be back before six OK guys? I want this place tidy," she paused, "And Em, you might want to do something with Esme's flower bed too."

***

Emmett's POV

At least Bella didn't kill us. It looked like Edward, Jasper and I were left with the two worst tasks: tidying and looking after the high Alice... I'm not quite sure which is worse.

Luckily we could get a head start on tidying because Alice was having a conversation about dancing giraffes with her reflection in the mirror. Edward was checking his piano to make sure it was still all in one piece and Jasper was just staring at his _wife, _probably wondering if he could get her back into a mental asylum. My _wife_ had abandoned me to go to the peace and tranquillity of the mall.

"Em!" Edward shouted, running back across the room, "That is an excellent idea!"

"What?" I asked. Jasper walked over too with a confused expression.

"Well," Edward explained, "Emmett thought we could put her in the mental ward for a day."

"WHAT?" Jasper exploded, than glancing at Alice to see if she had heard she added quietly, "Don't you think that's a little harsh considering?"

"Oh come on!" Edward reasoned, "They're not that bad any more, they're all padded with coloured windows and Barbies. Alice loves Barbies."

"I love Barbie! Barbara Millicent Richards is the bestest Jazzy, please let me play with her!" Alice begged, dancing over to us, then, she turned round to talk to the mirror again, "Come on Ally Barba we're going to go play with Barbie!"

"Fine," Jasper agreed, exasperated, "But we'll pick her up as soon as she's calmed down."

***

Once we arrived at the asylum in Seattle it was already eleven and so we'd left Edward to make a start tidying the house. Jasper and I took each of Alice's arms and lead her into the building. The receptionist jumped up on hearing Alice exclaim, "Look at all the pretty elephants. They're flying to the moon!"

Jasper placed Alice down gently on one of the seats and spoke to her quietly, "Listen to me carefully Alice, honey. You're very, very high on Carlisle's drugs so we're just going to leave you here to play with the Barbies for a while. Whilst you're having fun we'll sort out the mess we're in and you just concentrate on being good? You understand honey?"

Alice stared at him blankly, "Em I'm going to name the fattest Barbie after you... she's going to be called Emily and she's going to have a baby and I'll design her a whole line of maternity coloodle-" then she jumped up and ripped her shoes of and showed her toes to the receptionist who was approaching slowly "-look! I got all the names so I can make little taggies and Ally Barba will help me write the labels in the mall!"

I tugged Jasper away from Alice quickly, as I left the bewildered staff I whispered in her ear, "Give her a room of Barbies and she'll be as good as gold."

***

On the way back in the car I suddenly had another idea, "Jasper, don't we have any Barbies at home? Rather than have to take her there?"

Jasper nodded solemnly as he pulled into the drive, "Yea, but she'd probably kill us when she ruined them."

When we walked into the sitting room it wasn't much better than when we'd left it and Edward was playing the piano, "Edward, what ya doing?"

"Emmett, I'm sorry, I have a strong feeling we will never tidy the whole house without Alice and then Esme will kill us all. And then what about Carlisle, when he realises all his medicines are gone... have you seen the garden? I thought I could at least write a homecoming/ death song." Edward panicked in one breath.

"Fine. You wanna die that's fine," Jasper vowed firmly, "I'm not going out without a fight. Edward you can write your songs but for the sake of us all go get some new medicines for the hospital, and Carlisle's cupboard, Emmett, I won't tell Bella how green fingered you are if you sort the garden and I'll tidy the house." With the threat of Bells finding out my feminine gardening secret I rushed out to the shed to get working. I could hear Edward start the Volvo and some considerably loud clashes that were probably Jasper making a start on tidying.

***

Rose's POV

It was later than Bella and I had planed when we headed back from the shops, it was eight and she'd had supper, we'd sent all the packages back to the house for the boys to sort and Alice hadn't killed us for shopping yet. Then in the car on the way back we got a strange phone call from Jasper.

"Bella will you get that?" I asked, knowing that she would rather I concentrate on driving, "It's probably the others, just put it on loudspeaker."

Bella nodded and stood my phone up on the dash board.

"Hello?" said the phone-Jasper.

"Hey Jazz! What's wrong?"

"Well, we're doing fine, we got most of the stuff-"

"Is it the sofa? Did it come in _sea foam_ rather than _crème fresh_?" I asked, annoyed, I knew I should have tipped the store assistant another hundred dollars.

"No Rose," Jasper confirmed, "I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about, the sofa looks great. But Alice isn't home right now and..."

"OH MY GOSH!" Bella screamed down the phone, I could hear the rush of air on the other side of the phone as Jasper held it away from his ear, "You let Alice get out?"

"No, not exactly," he explained calmly, "Alice is in the Seattle mental ward right now. You couldn't possibly pick her up could you?"

"What?" I asked, "is that a joke Jasper? A very tasteful one you'll be glad to know." I fishtailed round the road back the the asylum, just in case.

"No, it's not Rose, just take, her, do whatever you like." Before we could reply the other side went dead and I put my foot on the pedal. We were there in three minutes.

"Bella? How do you think we'll get her out? She was clearly very crazy, I don't think they're going to let her out without a fight.." Bella was just opening the car door when a scream came from inside the building:

"OUCH! STOP IT! I have had lots of fun playing Barbies but please let me go now! PLEASE! Please... OUCH! STOP IT!"

There was a silence.

"OR I'LL SUCK ALL YOUR BLOOD! You heard me! I'm a _VAMPIRE_ so let me GO!"

Then a small pixie like girl came running out the doors and crammed into the car, "Step on it Rose!"

"Good to have you back Alice." Bella smiled as we whizzed out of the city.

"Me too, I'm not ever touching Carlisle's stuff again." Alice agreed.

***

When we got home we were in for another surprise – the house was spotless! And the garden was perfect, all of Carlisle's medicines had even been replaced, "Wow guys, how did you do it with out me?" Alice asked in awe.

Emmett tapped his nose really cutely but Jasper smiled, "Well, Emmett is a very good gardener..."

Emmett screamed like a girl, "JAZZY! You promised you wouldn't tell!"

"Now, now boys," Bella said, "or you'll have to tidy all over again."

They all sat down obediently and watched Bella as she headed up to bed.

Tomorrow Esme and Carlisle would be back. This was the last day of havoc and actually I would sort of miss it.... Well, almost. But we still had seet if Esme did find out about our "adventures". That could be another tale in it's self....


	29. return of the sane

Ahhhh! The last chapter! For the last time: Cullens = SM's, and please review! Big thank yous to everybody who reviewed/faved/alerted, I love you all. Especially big thank yous to everybody who reviewed lots and lots (names below :D) I'm sorry if you're name's not there, these are just the ones I remebered: jamstar4eva, tink3rb311ar3b31, Enelya Falcone, Team Jane, raybanlover, Lissy4692, majap, xxxlookingformyedwardxxx, mommy2matty, SparklyVamp and extra hugs to Thalia Luke – first review!

I am incredibly sorry I was writing a sequal but it all went wrong and I am just so incredibly sorry and I feel like I'm killing this story. If I do get some inspiration I will post asap xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Chapter 29 – The return of the sane ones**

Bella's POV

I woke up to a quiet house, thank god when I got downstairs it was not only a quiet house, but also a clean house. Alice bought me breakfast, probably to prove she was not on drugs today and Emmett bought me a dead flower, he was probably still obsessing that he couldn't be manly – and – a good gardener.

"Esme and Carlisle will be home in twenty minutes, just after the post arrives." Alice told us all.

We almost looked like a normal family, Edward was making faces at my food, Alice and Rose were doing each other's toe nails and Emmett and Jasper were watching football on the TV. Hopefully Carlisle wouldn't notice it was a different TV from the one when we left.

"Alice?" I asked thoughtfully, "Don't you think Carlisle will notice the many thousands of dollars we've spent redoing the house?"

"Of course not!" Alice laughed, "I'm not a physic for nothing! I keep plenty of money to top up the bank accounts everywhere... socks, the bottom of pencil pots, in between book pages... There's probably almost a million in this room that nobody knows about!"

I shook my head in the not uncommon amazement I felt for Alice then took out my dishes to wash up, also in the hope Alice and Rose wouldn't demand to paint my toes next. She only painted them the day Esme and Carlisle left, although that seemed like a long time ago now. Someone called my name quietly from the other room, they must have heard a Carlisle's Mercedes turn onto the drive.

I ran into the main room with the and climbed on the sofa. Even I could hear Esme's quick and excited footsteps springing up the front steps, "Sweeties! I'm home, are you there?"

I was squished into a six vampire-one human hug at that point and the rest of what Esme was saying turned out muffled.

When she pulled away I heard her undeserved compliments, "Doesn't the house look lovely? It's as if you weren't here, I don't think my coffee table is even broken! And look at you Bella, I can't see a bruise anywhere; oh Bella, you did such a good job with them!"

Carlisle coughed loudly as he walked into the room, "Esme, I fetched the paper, you better have a look." he handed Esme the _Fork's Weekly_ and Alice froze, "It's up to you if you want to do anything, they kept their games quite inconspicuous."

"_Oh!" Esme smiled down at the paper, "Looks like you've been very busy this week. I'm proud of you, you kept your fun so secretive!"_

"Alice!" Edward hissed from behind me, "I thought you said..."

"Oops! Esme we're not in trouble are we, when I saw you get back I saw you look at something but I thought it would just be Rose's pictures..." Alice rushed. Did Alice know Esme would find out about our fun? And if it was in the paper... what did Charlie already know?

"Oh daring don't think I'm that gullible!" Esme laughed.

Emmett asked exactly what I was wondering, "Mom, what does the paper say 'bout us?"

"It doesn't say anything _about_ you Emmett dear," Esme explained, "But I know when my babies have been up to something!"  
Once the paper had been passed round everybody else I took a look at the week's headlines:

_Friday: Mystery competitor wins county swimming gala for Forks – naked rumours_

_Saturday: Small nuclear bomb gone off in woods north of town – water guns found_

_Sunday: Dartmouth lecturer in near fatal car crash north of town_

_Monday: Child porn found in local river, identity blurred, no suspects as yet_

_Tuesday: Potential supermodel spotted in Forks market: names wanted_

_Wednesday: Local high school graduate found stealing designer jewellery_

_Thursday: Mental girl escaped from Seattle mental ward – man hunt on_

I just had to laugh at the last ones, "They didn't get your name though did they?" I smiled at Alice with joking worry.

Her answering smile was dazzling, "Don't be silly Bells, they think my name is Abigail Bernardo!"

I wondered if the high-Alice had really thought Ally Barba in the reflection was real.

"So, Esme," Jasper asked, tearing himself away from the game (which I knew he'd already bet on the results with Carlisle) "You seem really relaxed, do you think you'll be going away again any time soon?"

"Oh! It was wonderful, just the medicine I needed to keep going. Maybe I will have another little holiday again soon..."

"NO!" Edward shouted loudly.

I elbowed him, the week hadn't been so bad had it? "Edward, I don't think you had such a terrible time either. I'll leave it a few years before I go away again OK?"

"Ten," Edward said stubbornly. I elbowed him again even though I knew I'd been the one getting bruised.

"Fine Edward, looking after you lot, ten years will fly by!" Esme said back happily.

Edward still didn't look happy, "But you can't go for a whole week." I didn't bother nudging him because my arm was already throbbing.

"Well have to see Edward, ten years is a long time away, lots of things change..."

Thank you again! Sorry it's one of the tiniest chapters known to humanity, it's all I wanted to write for it, I came up with the idea for it before chapter 7 or so, I hope you like, please review again, thank you again and I do try and reply asap! xxxxxxxxxxx 


	30. THE SEQUAL xo

***this chapter will be deleted with in a couple of weeks, please so please review another chapter or better yet the actual thing....***

…. oh yes! You heard it, **CULLENS STLL BEHAVING BADLY**, has finally been published, Merry Christmas, it's my present to you on the first day of advent (or at least the first day by about half an hour where I live).

Obviously you will find a link to the story on my profile... so go do that! Enjoy it if you can :S it's a long time since I wrote this but I will be trying hard as ever. Also check out my other story, Dark Swan :D.

Love you all, and thank you again, reviews still come in occasionally for this story, and actually quite a lot of people still add this to their favourites :D appreciated. Night night. xo


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